the whole world feels different.
I can’t explain it. The darkness has been overwhelming this year and all of a sudden I feel positive again.
Everything around me just seems better.
Reading Terri Irwin’s book about her late husband Steve “The Crocodile Hunter” Irwin and suddenly I believe in true love again. Even though it’s so tragic.
I’m talking to everyone. Grocery checkers, the drive thru lady, random people in stores, the neighbor in the barn from across the yard, the horses and donkeys, the mailman, the geese flying overhead.
I have a job interview and instead of thinking oh god, i have to go back to work, i thought, ooh, i bet no one there will say, mommy ……, mommy……, mommy……. and my house might stay a bit cleaner if I’m not there all day.
I want to purge all the crap out of the house, all that stuff we don’t need, will only use once in the next hundred years, not throwing away because I can reuse it someway, somehow, someday.
Want to go to a church service this weekend. I have a…religion…thing.
Don’t feel like I need anything…at all…seriously, really satisfied with what I have.
Think that if I make a few “real-life friends”, hey that might be fun instead of a chore.
Think it might be OKAY to find a decent man one day, but in the meantime I can watch James McAvoy movies and go to dreamy dream land listening to Jason Mraz.
Got the urge to totally decorate boo’s sparse white room in gorgeous rainbow colors and a big banner that says “B-O-O-T-I-F-U-L.
Realized my estranged husband is struggling and though he is hurting us, he is lost and thankful that at least I have it TOGETHER.
Know that whatever I do and whoever I continue to become. I will be okay.
8 Comments
November 21, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I often say that my job is the only place I feel sane and competent. I get to make decisions without people second guessing me (at least not like the kiddos do). Good luck with your job hunt!
I am so glad that you are feeling so good. Being a single mom with a dysfunction ex is hard, but you are handling it with such grace and courage. You rock!
November 21, 2008 at 3:21 pm
This is great! It sounds like the fog is lifting, and the sun is peeking out… a nice, warm sun!
Just do everything in your own time, and try not to feel rushed or pressured into anything you’re not totally ready for.
(I love the buttons, btw.)
November 21, 2008 at 3:50 pm
It does sound as though the fog is lifting, just like Fraizerbaz says. It will be nice to celebrate the holidays this year, snug in your own home, with love surrounding you.
November 21, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Yay!! Good for you. I hope it becomes easier and easier and that you stay in this place. It sounds like a wonderful one indeed.
November 22, 2008 at 3:23 am
You will be ok
I would go insane without my job – I dont particularly enjoy it but its my little haven of adult time!!
I would definately re-decorate – I LOVE colour!!
November 22, 2008 at 3:45 am
Very happy for you all!
I swear I could see light playing around the edges of this post as I was reading it.
November 24, 2008 at 7:09 pm
I love this post.
And I love me some Jason Mraz too.
(seriously? who can resist him?!?)
December 1, 2008 at 6:52 am
I have so been there….