Monthly Archives: September 2010

the prologue.

there is a huge flock of migratory birds in the trees across the field, across the road.  i hear them.  i want to run out and photograph them, but i haven’t picked up the camera in over a week.

there are a million words bubbling inside of me that need to be written in poem or novel form that haven’t seen the light of day.

there are bright ideas forming, floating, projecting themselves up from within me that i haven’t had the time to care for and nurture.

there has been routine, tasks, chores, homework, trombone lessons, housework, laundry.

there has been much more coffee, much less sleep, much more time on the phone late at night, much more time knee deep in the trenches, less time here at the computer.

there has been an ongoing clearing, of home, body, mind and soul.

so much of this has left me bewildered.

when you say you want to dream, it is very exciting.  but there should be a prologue to the dream called: putting your affairs in order.

the birds are flying over me now as i sit here and type.  i have paused to look out the window at them.  they are on task, right where they should be right now.  i know in my heart i am too, but still sometimes i wish to fly, fly, far away.  find a place to rest out the winter.

sometimes finding that place requires a lot of hard flying along the way.

i don’t think i like the prologue so much. and i am sure the story itself will be long and great.  but i think the ending will be the best, the day that i will be resting among so many of those dreams and i can call the epilogue: she lived happily ever after.

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sudden undeniable exhaustion.

Suffering tonight from sudden and undeniable cleanout exhaustion, but the girls now each have their own rooms again, and…it’s…staying…that…way.

We were supposed to go to harvest festival today, but got rained out.  So here are photos from last year because, well, I’ve got to have photos.

My sheets are in the dryer, I’ll see if they make it to the bed.  The dishes are still sitting in the sink, but I don’t care.  We’ll wing it in the morning for school.

I love the actual result of a weekend spent working around the house, but I hate the feeling afterward.

And God, I wish I wasn’t on a self-imposed wine fast.

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Just Now 9.23.10

current time: 11:34 p.m.

on my mind: time, how it twists and bends and can seem anything but linear.

in my belly: toast.  no really, i missed dinner and i’m having coffee and toast.

in my ears: “Three Little Birds”, Bob Marley

in the fridge: fresh raw salsa that i’ve been devouring all week.

on the editor: did i mention i have a few vacation photos?

last watched: the season premiere of “Parenthood”, love that show.

on the nightstand: “the wishing year” by Noelle Oxenhandler

feeling good about: finally buying a new cell phone, for all those who have been in my months long debate over a droid or an iphone, i got a blackberry torch.  one reason.  i live in email.

feeling bummed about: the fact my grandparent’s house got robbed today while they were out shopping.  priceless documents and mementos gone, more than bummed, absolutely heartbroken.

last thing that made me laugh: just a note: if you are going to walk into your bank and be a jerk, we will make fun of you after you leave.  just saying.

made me pause: how unfair the world can be sometimes to good people who live their life in an honest way.

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dare to dream.


With much deliberation and much hesitation, I have decided to post it because what dreams can truly be nurtured and brought to fruition without the light of day.  Click on the image to see the itty-bitty, become great big, dreams…..

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Wordless Wednesday: Ding Dong Ditch

Details here on Little Bits of Kindness.

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message from a seven year old. in translation.

“I think you are the beautifulist thing I ever saw in my whole life.   You are the one who made me how I am now.  You are so nice to have around.  You are so nice even though you are can be mean sometimes, but I love you anyway”.

Reminder to self:  This is why I do it.

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incoming.

fall is creeping in.  pumpkins are showing up in the stands along the road.  we have reached that point where it is just a little bit dangerous to walk the back path because of falling acorns.  ker-plop.  the nights have been downright crisp.  i roasted a chicken, made mashed potatoes.  apple season has arrived and Emily and I made an apple galette this morning.

smoke is rolling in from somewhere and soon it will be the scent of woodstoves in the evening.  blankets are back on the beds, shorts have been traded for long pants and everyone is a little perturbed at the feeling of long sleeves and shoes and socks again.  but it is excellent hiking weather, the leaves are just starting to litter the trails and next week will be the harvest festival.  more cider to press, another scarecrow to ride home in the passenger seat of the car.

i was sad to see summer go.  i almost didn’t want to let it  because it held so many wonderful memories this year.  but fall, oh my fall, you are my favorite time of year.

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Just Now 9.16.10

Taking this week’s Just Now from the “The Whole Truth” with Mark Bittman in this month’s Whole Living magazine.  Just because I really liked it.


If I Could Say One Thing To Myself 20 Years Ago: it’s okay to go find yourself.

My Favorite Place In The World Is: outside on a bed of moss within the shade of the trees.

The Lesson I Keep Learning Over and Over: Patience, still learning.

The Movie I Watch When I Want To Laugh: Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, makes me almost pee my pants laughing.

The Most Scared I’ve Ever Been:  when I thought I had misplaced  my daughter.

No One Knows: exactly.

Unhealthiest Thing I’ve Ever Passed Off As Dinner: Hamburger Helper

Personal Philosophy: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”   -Anais Nin

Book That Changed My Life: “The Places That Scare You” by my beloved Pema Chodron

I Unwind By: music and wine.

Proudest Moment of My Career: My first annual review at my first “real job”.  I felt like a grown up.

What Keeps Me Up At Night: thinking there is not enough of me to be what everyone needs.

I define “downtime” as: lying on the bed with no one calling my name.

Coffee or Tea: Coffee on the weekends, tea morning and night.

Guiltiest Pleasure: You Tube.

My Mom Was Right About: telling me I was strong.

My Mom Was Wrong About: thinking I wouldn’t be successful without college.

The Last Time I Lost My Temper Was: last weekend, at the girls, for leaving their  bathroom a disgusting DISASTER area.

My Favorite Moment of the Day: those quiet first moments after I put the girls to bed and dim all the lights.

I Wish I Had More Time For: walking about with the camera.

I Always Make Time For: friends.

I’m Currently Reading: The Wishing Year by Noelle Oxenhandler

Home Means: a cloud of warmth.  from an old woodstove and a family.

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lists.

I finished my current Mondo Beyondo list.  It has 28 hopes, wishes, dreams and possibilities in it, some tailored to a certain place, some not, some tailored to certain people, some not, some very distinct, some very open and I wrote them all in a beautiful blue pen and sealed them away with a kiss.  I am a great lover and admirer of lists,  but this was a very different sort of list because this list has no boundaries.  It could have said fly to the moon.  It didn’t, but it could have.

I have kept a list of things I’ve wanted to do for some time.  I started my 43 things list years and years ago.  I just brought up my last 43 things list from 2008.  I kept some of the old, scrapped some, added some new.  I started a new 43 things list this past week.  Because some of them are my Mondo Beyondo items, I’m not listing them all….

What would you add to your list?

#41 see the Northern Lights

1. get to 1,000 grains of rice on Freerice.com

3. practice yoga three times a week consistently.

5. master 1o recipes from my Bon Appetit magazine collection, inside and out.

8. master the perfect peanut butter cookie.

9. file all my papers.

10. create a schedule for my online time and stick to it for a month.

12. revisit Maine on vacation.

14 meet one of my blog friends in person.

25. attend a class at Kripalu.

26. complete reading Kahlil Gibran.

29. master the basic French sauces.

30.  visit Blackberry Farm in Tennessee.

31. reach my 100 things declutter goal.

34. kiss someone passionately.

35. weed out my strawberry bed.

39. have someone catch my book from bookcrossing.

41. see the northern lights.

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Wordless Wednesday: Coaxing Autumn

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