no joy.

i have no joy in the death of Osama bin Laden.  i do not dance in the streets.  chant for my country or wave my flag.

i have only a reminder of that which was lost  and a reminder that there is much more work to do to bring peace to this place.

when life becomes more important than death.

when love holds a higher place than self-importance, greed or power.

when nations or religions or cultures unite.

set aside their differences, hold on to one another for the greater good.

when everyday people see others as their own mother, daughter, sister or brother.

when we think or reflect, before we speak or act.

that is when i will do my dance.

when i will sing my praise.

i have no idea what awaits this man, who held so much hatred in his heart.

but it is not my place to know.

and so i will continue with my own struggle.

doing my part.

each day, one at a time.

to spread my message that love is a better option.

and hope to see it grow.

just now 1.3.11

 

current time: 12:34 p.m, Sunday

in my mug: glass of iced tea, no sugar, with lemon.

in my belly: roasted portabello mushroom, with spinach, blue cheese and bread crumbs, lunch, feeling the draw back to whole foods, come on summer.

in my ears: “Full Moon“,  The Black Ghosts

on the table: my cell phone, two discs of Californication from Netflix, Emily’s MP3 player, a notebook, a list of photography books and a glass of iced tea.

on the editor: these photos of Karelyn from Thursday night, her Dad had cancelled, she was upset and so I gave in and let her watch a movie on a school night, and she was falling asleep through the end.

last watched: Rod Stewart on Piers Morgan, and thinking of my mother.  I love biography interviews, people fascinate me.

feeling good about: some more time alone with myself this weekend, girls at extended sleepover.

feeling bummed about: being so far away from the one person i want to be with.

last thing that made me laugh: Ed and I discussing the girls dating last night. I thought I was going to be bad.

and think: The Charter for Compassion, amazing work, amazing ideas, i could devote myself to stuff like this.

 

 

Just Now 3.6.2011

current time: 7:58 a.m, in bed listening to the girls up already, playing Scrabble in the next room.

in my mug: did you think it would be a hot cuppa tea?  well, you are right, although there is an emptly glass of Chardonnay on the bookshelf leftover from last night.

in my belly: roasted vegetables and crusty bread from last nght, dinner for one.

in my ears: “Amber” by 311, and the sound of rain on the rooftop, ushering in Spring (i hope).

on the nightstand: ipod, a dollar bill, a scholastic book order, and a fly, guess spring is coming.

on the editor: a new blog header i’ve been working on, an  upcoming project perhaps i will see through

last watched: this movie, a random Itunes rental, but I fell in love with it.

feeling good about: 18 days until i hop a plane to Colorado.

feeling bummed about: my grandmother, suffering some medical troubles

last thing that made me laugh: listening to one of my grandmother’s stories in her living room in the afternoon.

and think: someone said last night regarding the health care issue “the problem is you see it as a right, i see it as a privilege”, is that the true nature of the problem?

Just Now 1.21.11

 

current time: early morning, still in bed pretending to sleep to get a quiet moment before the day starts.

in my mug: the standby, cuppa earl grey creme/english breakfast with honey and milk

in my belly: nothing yet, proud to say i didn’t eat anything before bed last night, not even the girl’s honey graham-cracker bunnies tempting me. though i’m thinking veggie omelettes are in order this morning.

in my ears: Natalie Merchant, i forgot for awhile how much i loved her writing and her voice.  this song especially, i will write another post about.

on the nightstand: cell phone, hairband, flipcam, seashell, small red heart, a card to be mailed, a cup of tea, a Toys R Us receipt for Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, two batteries to be recharged and a handwritten note from Ed.

on the editor: photos from the fields beside the sea from last summer’s vacation.  we’ve reached that time of year where i start my “i hate winter” posts.

last watched: three back episodes of Parenthood, God, I love those characters, they are so well-written and i’m not a big fan of tv.

feeling good about: letting worries go and letting the universe bring a solution.

feeling bummed about: having so much trouble getting myself committed to losing the last ten pounds from last year.

last thing that made me laugh: the ongoing travails of the stinkbug named Bob who the girls have made me sworn to protect and let reside here.

and think: paraphrased  because i cannot remember the direct quote from Nick Clooney on CNN last night that he hopes he raised his children “to believe  it was their duty to watch out for those who had less power and to question those who have more”

Just Now 1.6.2011

Just now, I am listening to this song.

Just now, I am hiding upstairs from the children.

Just now, I think that having a laptop with wifi may have been a mistake.

Just now, I have another lovely letter from another Mondo Beyondo friend lying next to me.

Just now, I have been preparing for Karelyn’s Wizard of Oz birthday without trying to go all Martha Stewart.

Just now, I have a cup of hot tea as there can never be enough hot tea in winter.

Just now, speaking of winter, I wish I could stay in my comfy, cozy bed until Spring arrives.

Just now, I am already in my pajamas at 5:13 p.m.

Just now, Emily’s clothes covered from a chocolate milk explosion are in the washer with a load of girly underwear that always seems to run out before the end of the week.

Just now, I am refusing to take down my Christmas tree or village.

Just now, the cat is asleep next to my leg, keeping me warm.

Just now, I am avoiding cooking dinner.

Just now, I am promising myself I will lay out the school clothes and pack the lunches tonight instead of the morning.

Just now, I know that I will probably not do the above.

Just now, I am writing more than I have ever done in my entire life.

Just now I know 2011 is going to usher in some great things.

Just now I believe is the year my soul finds it’s calling.

Just Now 12.5.10

Just now it has been too long since I have been here.  I have  been busy.

Just now happiness seems to have made an entrance into my life and made itself at home.

Just now my children are screaming like banshees upstairs, dressing for our annual trip to The Nutcracker.

Just now the wind is blowing a chill through everything around us.

Just now my Thanksgiving tableware is still on the kitchen table and the dining room table is covered in Christmas.

Just now I have the Pandora holiday station on.

Just now my heart is twelve times more full than it was six months ago.

Just now I realize again that I have the most amazing family ever.

Just now, my jeans, two sizes smaller than the beginning of the year are already falling off me.

Just now there are stuffed animals gathered around a game of LIFE in my living room waiting for the girls to return.

Just now, I am tired from talking until 1am on the phone, but thankful for cell phones and unlimited texting.

Just now, I realize I have been ignoring all of you, my friends.

Just now, I realize I haven’t typed here because I wasn’t sure what to say.

Just now, there will be four stockings here this year instead of three.

Just now, I realize this man who has walked into our lives and stolen all our hearts, will have to leave again after Christmas.

Just now, Colorado feels so far away.

Just now, I don’t care.  I’m happy to be in love.

Just Now 11.18.10

 

current time: 9:40 p.m.

in my mug: cuppa tea, you  know it.

in my belly: smoked sausage with black beans & rice and roasted vegetables.

in my ears: “Say Hey” Michael Franti & Spearhead, the song Karelyn and I always shake our booties to.

on the nightstand: cell phone, an olive tree carved heart, and “The Slippery Year” which I cannot put down.

on the editor: daily gratitude, I cannot believe I have posted a photo a day on Flickr for 18 days.

last watched: Conan O’Brien, I love him, am so glad he has a new show, even if I have to DVR it and watch three or four days behind.

feeling good about: getting the courage to start doing real, self-portraits.

feeling bummed about: not seeming to have the energy or time to work out everyday.

last thing that made me laugh: this, shared by Sarah, if you love those darn kitty cats.

last thing that made me stop and think: this lovely quote on Twitter: “You don’t love someone because they are beautiful, you love them because their heart sings a song only yours can understand”

 

Just Now 11.6.10

Just now….I went to an Aveda store and had them make me up.  I have always wanted to do that and now I have.

Just now…I found a pair of jeans that fit, and they are two sizes smaller than the beginning of the year.

Just now….I finished working out for an hour.

Just now….I am wearing a comfy new pair of flannel pyjamas.

Just now…I am eating peanut butter and chocolate chips on banana for dinner at 11:18 p.m.

Just now….I got my camera back from repair.

Just now…the kids are asleep in my bed…again.

Just now…I had an urge to have a one-year old again.

Just now…I got an email from a new writing partner in the U.K.

Just now…the cat is throwing up under the table.

Just now…there is one more load of laundry upstairs.

Just now…I am missing my call from Colorado.

Just now…I am happy to have a seven-year old who reads books to cats.

Just now…I am going to look for a card for a friend who accomplished something wonderful.

Just now…I am  content.

Just Now 10.30.10

{the girls with stickers from Aunt Karen}

current time: 9:18 p.m.

in my mug: cuppa tea

in my belly: warm  brownies

in my ears: Matt Costa’s “Astair”

in the fridge: acorn squash and cauliflower

on the nightstand: my ipod and my Neflix copy of “The Illusionist” I’ve had now for over two months and watched probably fifteen times.

on the editor: photos from last fall, camera still out for repair, today’s photo taken with my point.

last watched: “Babe” with the girls, Karelyn doesn’t remember watching it when she was very little. “That’ll do, pig.  That’ll do”.

feeling good about: an evening curled up with my girls, brownies & milk, and a good movie.

feeling bummed about: it’s not gluten.  we’ve been completely gluten-free a week, and still the stomach woes.

last thing that made me laugh: my grandmother, sitting, talking at my kitchen table today.

Just Now 10.22.10

 

current time: 8:33 p.m.

in my mug: Root Cabernet Sauvignon

in my belly: Homemade blueberry scones, not mine, but one of our credit union members makes the most amazing scones ever.

in my ears: “A New World” from the Kingdom of Heaven Soundtrack. If you saw the theatre cut of this movie it was crap that didn’t make any sense, if you saw the director’s cut, it was pretty amazing.

in the fridge: one last piece of pumpkin cake my grandmother made that I’m trying not to eat.

on the nightstand: a glass of water and a handkerchief leftover from too many nights of sick girls in my bed.

on the editor: nothing, though there are plenty of photos to work up, it’s been a busy, rough week.

last watched: the short film above, it’s about 12 minutes long, but 12 minutes to surely make you smile.

feeling good about: a phone call I know is coming tonight, as it does every night and having someone ask me again, everyday, how my day was and mean it.

feeling bummed about: not having anyone I truly believe in to vote for and realizing that any type of humanitarian who would make real change will never make it in the system.

last thing that made me laugh: the girls at work, they always make me laugh, like climbing under the counter out of embarrassment so no one can see kind of laughing.