On Being Single.

Single mother.
Everyday of my life I am a single mother.  There is no father here.  Has not been for sixteen months. There is very little father in general.
Yesterday at lunch (another post when more time), I actually mentioned the words “finding someone else”, meaning that my heart and mind might be open to letting someone [...]

Ack.

I’m done.  Spent.  Wrecked.  Blitzed.  You name it.
This week I’ve tried to conquer, stomach anxieties, a flat tire, an unexpectedly  flooded basement, lack of sleep, deaf children and my own self-doubt and anxieties.
The girls and I aren’t meshing this week about the household. I KNOW, I KNOW, they are six and eight years old.  I [...]

Waiting For The Dead

And that would be me…..

These guys are just watching me and waiting for me to plop dead to the ground.  This is more than likely going to be a bit of an incoherent rant, sorry. But when others do it I always feel just a little more human, so if you continue past this sentence, [...]

The Second Half

Buddhism is my philosophy of living.
Buddhism has allowed me to become who I am today, to feel comfortable in my own skin, to let me love ME and a whole lot of other people in the process.  It is very difficult for me to explain my relationship with Buddhism because it is a very personal one.
The [...]

An Unexpected Birthday

Thanks to everyone who asked about how it went with ex-husband who was supposed to meet with me yesterday. He was a no-show (for me at least). He did show up at his parents house to spend some time with the girls and they returned with no tears, so at least in that we all [...]

Unexpectedly Found

In the process of cleaning out one’s home it appears there are items that are lurking in small unexpected places, waiting to grab you and twist you a little.  Perhaps that is why it is so easy to let the things lie.  I stood for perhaps twenty minutes on a stool fingering it in my [...]

The Horrible Ending of The Week

It seems even when you are filling your home with loveliness and light and beauty even then, the ugly things can still creep in.
I found out yesterday that my ex-husband and his new girlfriend are using my identity in a horrid case of medical fraud.  I have just begun to receive a flurry of bills, [...]

Smile…Know I Love You.

My dear sweet girl.  I know sometimes your heart hurts…but keep smiling and know how much I love you.  Let me give you the healing balm of puckered kisses, stroked hair and enclosed arms.  Let me wipe your tears and hug into you the knowledge of how very much I hold you dear. Let me [...]

Week End.

And the week comes to an end.  And the overwhelming crush begins again.
The, I want to just sit down and cry.  The, I want to collapse in a heap but there’s dinner to clean up and baths to give and laundry to do before my head can hit the pillow.
This forty hour workweek/single parent of [...]

Day of Divorce

Today I step into the courtroom and my eleven-year marriage comes to an end.  I do not feel sad, so do not worry about me, the blessing of a fourteen-month separation is that by the time the divorce happens, your heart is on the mend.  Therefore, I continue on with this new chapter I find [...]