blessed.

{these beautiful gifts from my daughters, are all the gifts i need}

Yesterday was one of those days I realize how lucky I am.  I am surrounded by so many people who love and appreciate me for who I am.  It was my birthday yesterday, two cakes over the course of two days at work, the one I posted yesterday was a three-layer chocolate cake my friend Karen made and then one of our members at the credit union brought another, a citrus-y yellow cake I’ll share tonight.  Everyone at work made my day special.  A couple of our members sang  ”happy birthday”, including a duet by 70 somethings Mr. and Mrs. Rice.  One of our members, one of the firefighters, offered to dance for me.  I politely declined.  I love these people who surround me everyday Monday-Friday.  Somedays, like most everyone else, it is hard to get up and get out the door, but really, these people that I work with and serve are delightful.  I have had a lot of jobs, but by far this is the best one yet.

Facebook messages went on for pages, a card from my best friend, a card and delightful gift from Lisa and then on my birthday, a card from Debbie all the way from England and it arrived ON my birthday, I look forward to a new project with her in May.  Ed’s card arrived in the afternoon, certain to make me cry.  Tonight the celebration continues, McKinney style at my Mom’s, which means, taco salad fixings and Coronas with limes spread out  across the tables, our standby meal for when we all get together.  My sister and brother both there, along with my grandparents, and my brother’s friends.  This will be a joint party as it has been pretty much off and on for the last twenty-four years, when my brother came along fifteen years and five days behind me.  I love to share birthdays with him.

In the past I knew I shared my birthday with my cousin’s ex-husband and my really scary middle-school English teacher, but found out last night I also share my birthday with that amazing force called Queen Latifah, love her and all her beautiful energy and drive, her celebration and success at doing things her own way and succeeding. Have always loved her not more so when she starred in one of my favorite books ever, turned movie.

Last night the girls made their appearance finally in the school variety show.  I love the girl’s school, it’s principal, it’s teachers, their enthusiasm and dedication, I could not buy an experience any better for them.  Weeks and weeks of practice three times a week paid off as their performance was flawless, though it didn’t matter as all those children standing on stage, in elementary school, putting their growing talents out  for all to see, wowed me in a way that reminds me to have courage.  There was no lack of support as the entire family turned out, the girls applauded and hugged and kissed by not only both their parents, but their full load of grandparents and great-grandparents as well.

I hugged the girls, commended their friends, talked with other parents, my own family and walked out into a balmy evening with no coat, going home finally to a glass of wine and  the last conversation with Ed on the phone, him being here the only thing that could have made the day any better.  In five days I will finally step on the plane and celebrate another birthday, his, with him.

I am blessed.  Beyond measure.  I keep reaching outside myself to find greatness when all I have to do is look around me and see that it all lies right here in a life so full and rich, who could ask for more.  Or as Queen Latifah says in that favorite movie, “there’s love all around you, don’t ever be afraid, WE are enough”.

be mine.

The first time we were together I broke up with him on Valentine’s day.

This year, I made a pretty package. Cut out confetti, glitter, red and white tissue paper, a mushy card and a big batch of chocolate chip cookies. Mailed it with a kiss and the promise of plenty of  embarrassment when it arrives at work.  Did I mention the box is pink?

Sometimes I am glad we get this chance.  Now older, we get to do this all the right way. More so, we get to really relish and appreciate it, and not take it for granted.

Wordless Wednesday: Christmas

 

Coming Home At Christmas

(i love how happy that third king is, btw)

This time of year always sets me to thinking about what I believe in a spiritual sense because Christmas is so full of Spirit.

I’ve taken many different winding paths on my spiritual journey.

When it comes to the great beyond the right here and right now, I throw up my hands.  I came to the realization that it is too big for me to comprehend, so I am not going to try to bother to name it.  When I think about God, I kind of just imagine a great big happy loving swirl in the sky, or the sound of the wind through the trees or the feel of sunshine on my face.

I gave up on bowing to the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost a long, time ago.

But I love Jesus.

That’s right.  I said Jesus.

I turned my back on Jesus when he was connected with words that were punctuated with the word “acceptance” but really were all about the word “exclusion”.

And I don’t really think that’s very Jesuslike at all.

But I love that little baby Jesus.  The one lying in the manger with the promise of hope and love to the world.  The one that just solidifies my belief that we are all born good with the capacity to do great things.  The one that grew and taught and spread the word about loving each other as we want to be loved.  Jesus to me symbolizes what is right with humankind, our capacity for kindness and love.

We are going back to church for Christmas Eve.  I have made random visitations to my home church, the church of my youth.  My children want to go to church.  So we are going.    The children’s service.  To listen to the story of how the baby Jesus came to be.  I love Christmas Eve church, more so the midnight service, with it’s hymns and it’s silence at midnight, the ritual of hearing the liturgy sung, the familiar words, but I have little ones, so we will opt for the earlier version.

It’s strange that it’s some of the words of the Christian faith that ruffle my feathers, but at the same time it is the pattern and repetition of those words that brings me peace.  So I am looking forward to sitting there in those same familiar pews.  Darkness just beginning to fall on us.   Saying those familiar lines, even if I do (hmm, hmm, hmm) through a few of them. The girls listening to the story, literally carrying their piece of the story to the altar, then coming back to settle in between Ed and I.

Because he will be there too.  The four of us there in the pew.  Which is also familiar and odd at the same time. You see we grew up in that church together.  We met for the first time in the parking lot at fourteen and sixteen years old.  Snuck in more than a few kisses behind the adult’s backs on youth group trips.   Then we both got married through that church, but to other people. Now we will return there together this year, my sixteen-year old boyfriend now somehow transformed into my forty-year old one who lives 2,000 miles away, but comes home for the holidays.

So I’ve made some peace with Jesus, and with church, and with boyfriends who live too far away, because none of them are perfect, but in the end, to me,they all just feel like home.

 

Emily Celebrates Nine

Magnolia Bakery’s Devil’s Food Cake Recipe

Chocolate Ganache and out of season and very $$$ strawberries.

A little friend in matching birthday pyjamas.

The birthday girl at nine.

I have one word for Sunday…..joyous.

Preparations

emily was nine yesterday.  she had her ears pierced today.  grandmom stood and held her hand.  we will party tomorrow.  just family, at her request.  a friend to go swimming with soon.  she has flowers.  it is important that each of my girls have flowers on their birthday.  i’m not sure why.  i hijacked them to photograph.  now they sit on the table, waiting.

i made the cake from scratch.  sometimes from scratch is important.  like at birthdays.  but they are trouble.  chocolate melting on the stove. egg yolks beaten in one bowl.  milk coming to room temperature.  all at once. did a speck of the water from the bottom of the bowl sneak in and ruin it all?  will it stick, i had no wax paper?

chicken salad to make.  and fruit kebabs.  tablecloth to wash.  floors to sweep. presents to wrap.

why are weekends only two days?  birthdays should allow a four, five day weekend.

birthdays are special.

Going Home For Easter

There is nothing more I love than going home.

No matter how old I get, home is what it will always be.

Going home reminds me why I love good food, good wine and good-heartedness.

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday, full of as many blessings as we had.

Today Is My Birthday.

i am 38 years old today.

today i am happy that  i can pull the little blue vases out of the dusty cabinet for little gifts picked by still little hands.

Celebrating Seven

Roses, red, her favorite color.  Extravagant?  No, bought at the grocery and was the extent of my decorating, minus a few blowers.  I just like the idea of giving my girls flowers on their birthday and I’ve spent more on birthdays believe me. Remembering this is the year of simplicity, the party was simple.  A big bowl of vegetarian chili and cornbread, and the close family.  Games of hangman on the easel, and boy those blowers made a lot of noise, at least when my parents and sister got into it.  Good food, good family, good times.

She doesn’t like cake.  (I know, I hear your gasps).  So I made these brownies, piled them up, dusted them with a little powdered sugar and stuck in the mandatory, glittery “7″ candle.  Just so you know, they are super rich.

I hope her wishes come true.  She took me aside as the family came filing in, and said, “Mama, thanks for doing this party for me, with everything”.  I cannot believe that I ever felt the need to complicate things in the past.  That a simple evening would be enough.  She felt the warmth and the love around her, that she was an important part of our family, someone to be celebrated.  She is still looking forward to having her cousins come spend the night one night, I am just hoping to get the Christmas tree down first.

p.s.  Mama got her a new bicycle…..too bad there’s still snow on the ground.

When You Are Seven…

You have a lot of hopes and dreams.

And though you are growing up so quickly.

You will always remain my baby.

Happy Birthday!