i’m going to miss tucking in the stuffed animals that rolled out of bed in the night.
another of those everyday realizations.
She whispered in my ear, “I will never hate you”.
I whispered back. ”There will be times you will hate me, but I will still always love you and then there will be at time you will not hate me anymore”.
She said, “Well, I will never leave you. I will never run away”.
I wish we could keep that certainty.
I should have known. I only read it four, five hundred times myself. This wasn’t the first time for her either. Tears. Mournful, tender tears.
I patted her back, pulled her on my lap. Put my face to hers.
“I know”, I said, “It’s always so sad when Charlotte dies. She was a good friend”.
Blasted books. The best ones get us every time.
I was sitting here at the computer Sunday writing a separate post (it’s either floodgates or drought these days) when little Boo came downstairs this morning and wrapped herself in a blanket on the couch next to me. She had Bear with her, of course, and she lay there quiet for quite a while which is unusual for her.
Then with tears starting to glaze her eyes, she asked me, “Mommy, can I keep Bear forever…..”
I didn’t have a Teddy Bear growing up. I don’t know why so much I wanted each of my girls to have these bears. A good friend of mine that I used to work with got them. They are both snuggly soft. Ems bear has light pastel colored swirls that you cannot even differentiate anymore the fur is so smooshed and well-loved. Boo’s is a brown bear with with little black button eyes, still pretty soft and fluffy. Their ribbons are tied forever around their necks because their bows could never now be undone.
The purely magical part of these bears is that they never stop loving the girls and I think that may be the reason why I felt it was so important for them to have them.
Boo has a special connection with her bear and likewise Bear is quite important to me too.
Saturday Boo went to visit her father for the day. She left Bear sitting on the couch, but made sure that he was tucked in with a blanket. I wanted to curl up on the couch with my grandmother’s recipe book and a cup of tea. Do you know who stole the blanket from Bear but then decided to pull the covers back over him?
Regardless, here is what I told her. She can keep Bear forever. He is hers forever. When we go to Nova Scotia this summer, Bear can go. When she goes to college, Bear can go. When she moves into her first apartment, Bear will be there. Bear will always be there. Bear was here waiting for her when she was first born and he belongs to her. Will always be there.
More than just a possession, Bear does belong to her. Right now he is as much a part of her as anything else and I want her to know that is okay and always will be.
So thank you Shawn for those bears. Those bears you got long ago when Ems was just a little peanut. You have no idea what a gift you gave. And in this, the year of simplifying here in this place, a sweet, soft friend is a simple pleasure.