Simple Commands

When reading parenting books/magazines  you always hear that you should speak to  your kids with short concise commands so as to not confuse them or lose them with a big diatribe.

So why does this not work for me?

Dog escapes.  Run around in 90 degree weather chasing her and finally trap her in grandfather’s garage.  She has no harness on as she slipped it, so there is nothing to hold onto except 60 lbs of dog and fur. (Did I mention it was 90 degrees… September?).  Yell to children.  

Me: Shut the garage door!  (simple and concise).

Girls: Nothing.

Me: Will someone please shut the garage door.

Girls: What?

Me: (Screaming, also a no-no), Shut the garage door I have the dog in here and I can’t hold her forever!

Girls:  Oh, okay.

Next step:

Me:  Someone get her harness and leash for me.

Girls: What?

Me: (Exasperated hot and sick of dogs/kids/fur/heat/humidity) Go Get Me Her Leash and Harness!

Blondie:   Boo is getting it. (Sure send the five year old).

Five minutes elapses.

Reds:  I don’t know where it is.

Me:  It’s hanging on the basement door in our house.

Silence.  Reminder:  I am in garage with door closed and they are outside.

Me: Boo?

Reds:  What?

Me:  Will you get it?

Reds:  Oh, okay.

Ten minutes elapses.  Nothing.

Me:  Ems is she out there?  I can’t keep the dog in here forever.

Blondie:  Hold on.

Blondie: Here she comes.

Reds:  Mommy, it’s not there.

Stop, think think think.  A-ha!

Me:  Boo it’s hanging from the tree (where the dog run is).  Do you think you can get it?

Reds:  Sure Mommy.  (Pure confidence).

Six or seven more minutes elapse.  Look out garage window.  See Reds with leash slung over tree branch hanging and swinging.  Tra la la la la.


Me:  Ems?

Blondie:  What?

Me: Can  you go get your sister for me?

Don’t see Blondie but see Reds running up from our house leash held high over her head looking triumphant.

Garage door opens.

Reds:  Here you go Mommy.


Now tell me why when you say, “Want to go get ice cream?”  we don’t have these problems.

Have I said before how much fun it is to be the only adult in the household?



Filed under girls, single parenthood

7 responses to “Simple Commands

  1. laurakim123

    OH MAN! I know it wasnt funny but I had a good giggle at that!

    Happens here too!!! Takes hours to get ready for school but say “we going out for dinner” and they break world speed records!!!

  2. Nothing that involves children is simple.

    Poor you.

    I like the bit about getting ice cream!

    Still jealous of 90 degrees in September!

  3. Thank god I’m not alone in this!

  4. Too funny, I thought it was genetic and my boys do it just because of that y chromosome…humm guess not.

  5. Oh gosh, isn’t that the truth? So nice to know it’s not just me speaking in a foreign tongue.:)

  6. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

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