Parenting class sucked. Sorry for the language, but it put me in a funk and made me feel like shit that we have done everything wrong for these lovely kids.
Two of tonight’s topics. How alienation can traumatize your children and how it is important to be kind and put your feelings aside when dealing with your ex. Ie: Let your kids see the other parent, even if they are a loser, scumbag.
Fine, dandy, good. Well, if alienation from one of their parents is going to screw up my kids, let me just say this. He didn’t even show up for the class tonight, let alone for the last three visits. No phone call, no callbacks.
So why do I suddenly feel like the worst mother in the world? I will smile, choke back my vomit and tell them things like our counselors told us. “Daddy has problems right now”.
So instead of sleeping, in this so called funk, I went over and perused my list of 43 things on 43things.com. I know I have said it before, but you should try it.
Imagine my surprise when I went back after about four months of ignoring my little life list and realizing that by leaving said husband/father, I have accomplished 11, say again, 11 things on that list.
So, I updated it back up to 27 things, not wanting to overwhelm myself too much and found a little gem I did previously listing 43 things about myself. Have you ever tried to do this? I mean honestly make a list good and bad and honest about yourself. So to make myself feel a little better I’m going to post it here and you can laugh or be horrified or stop following me or propose (though I will turn you down).
So here is my list of 43 things about myself from April 29, 2008. Pre-separation.
1. I am 36 years old.
2. I am unhappy right now.
3. I love the way the earth smells after it rains.
4. I think thunderstorms are sexy.
5. I can’t stand rap music.
6. I am a country girl at heart and couldn’t live in a city.
7. I need to see trees on a daily basis.
8. I don’t love my dog enough every day.
9. I am deeply empathetic to others to a fault.
10. Even though I eat natural grass fed and organic foods, I secretly love liverwurst and hot dogs.
11. I like the way my belly button smells.
12. I want there to still be family farms when my kids grow up.
13. I want to see more fields with food in them not houses.
14. I drink English Breakfast tea, and only English Breakfast tea incessantly.
15. I love to read and read and read and read.
16. I could not live without dark or bittersweet chocolate.
17. I wish I didn’t still love my husband.
18. I love the Harry Potter books/audio/movies obsessively.
19. I free all the bugs that crawl into my house even the tiny ones, we have a no squashing rule.
20. My girls rule my heart and soul.
21. Some days I find it hard to take a shower and brush my teeth.
22. I have been an ice cream scooper, a retail sales clerk, a children’s theatre teacher, a customer service representative, a recruiter for a temp agency and now coordinate data entry.
23. I do not want to continue to be any of those things.
24. I have always longed to be a teacher but flubbed that up years ago.
25. I like to sleep between fleece blankets. Nothing better.
26. I want to make the world a better place for my children.
27. I will probably always wear my hair long no matter how many times I think about cutting it.
28. I wish I could live in navy blue sweats or pyjamas.
29. I love all shades of blue.
30. Being near water brings me peace.
31. Some days I secretly want to run away from home.
32. I am extremely proud of my brother and sister.
33. I can’t stand people who think they are better than or look down on others.
34. I believe we are born good and all babies are blank slates to fill with goodness or hatred.
35. I believe my God is a mama with long flowing hair and a calm smile.
36. Rubbing your eyebrows in the wrong direction creeps me out.
37. I have only one friend who is not family.
38. I am scared of being a single mom.
39. I am completely addicted to the games on the kids Webkinz.
40. I love pasta, bread and potatoes and will therefore never be thin.
41. I look forward to falling in love again.
42 I love to watch the Amish families when I visit Lancaster, PA.
43. I have never been able to subscribe to a particuliar religion.