43 Things

Parenting class sucked.  Sorry for the language, but it put me in a funk and made me feel like shit that we have done everything wrong for these lovely kids.  

Two of tonight’s topics.  How alienation can traumatize your children and how it is important to be kind and put your feelings aside when dealing with your ex.  Ie:  Let your kids see the other parent, even if they are a loser, scumbag.

Fine, dandy, good.  Well, if alienation from one of their parents is going to screw up my kids, let me just say this.  He didn’t even show up for the class tonight, let alone for the last three visits.  No phone call, no callbacks.

So why do I suddenly feel like the worst mother in the world?  I will smile, choke back my vomit and tell them things like our counselors told us.  “Daddy has problems right now”.  

So instead of sleeping, in this so called funk, I went over and perused my list of 43 things on 43things.com. I know I have said it before, but you should try it.

Imagine my surprise when I went back after about four months of ignoring my little life list and realizing that by leaving said husband/father, I have accomplished 11, say again, 11 things on that list.

So, I updated it back up to 27 things, not wanting to overwhelm myself too much and found a little gem I did previously listing 43 things about myself.  Have you ever tried to do this?  I mean honestly make a list good and bad and honest about yourself.  So to make myself feel a little better I’m going to post it here and you can laugh or be horrified or stop following me or propose (though I will turn you down).

So here is my list of 43 things about myself from April 29, 2008.  Pre-separation.

1. I am 36 years old.
2. I am unhappy right now.
3. I love the way the earth smells after it rains.
4. I think thunderstorms are sexy.
5. I can’t stand rap music.
6. I am a country girl at heart and couldn’t live in a city.
7. I need to see trees on a daily basis.
8. I don’t love my dog enough every day.
9. I am deeply empathetic to others to a fault.
10. Even though I eat natural grass fed and organic foods, I secretly love liverwurst and hot dogs.
11. I like the way my belly button smells.
12. I want there to still be family farms when my kids grow up.
13. I want to see more fields with food in them not houses.
14. I drink English Breakfast tea, and only English Breakfast tea incessantly.
15. I love to read and read and read and read.
16. I could not live without dark or bittersweet chocolate.
17. I wish I didn’t still love my husband.
18. I love the Harry Potter books/audio/movies obsessively.
19. I free all the bugs that crawl into my house even the tiny ones, we have a no squashing rule.
20. My girls rule my heart and soul.
21. Some days I find it hard to take a shower and brush my teeth.
22. I have been an ice cream scooper, a retail sales clerk, a children’s theatre teacher, a customer service representative, a recruiter for a temp agency and now coordinate data entry.
23. I do not want to continue to be any of those things.
24. I have always longed to be a teacher but flubbed that up years ago.
25. I like to sleep between fleece blankets. Nothing better.
26. I want to make the world a better place for my children.
27. I will probably always wear my hair long no matter how many times I think about cutting it.
28. I wish I could live in navy blue sweats or pyjamas.
29. I love all shades of blue.
30. Being near water brings me peace.
31. Some days I secretly want to run away from home.
32. I am extremely proud of my brother and sister.
33. I can’t stand people who think they are better than or look down on others.
34. I believe we are born good and all babies are blank slates to fill with goodness or hatred.
35. I believe my God is a mama with long flowing hair and a calm smile.
36. Rubbing your eyebrows in the wrong direction creeps me out.
37. I have only one friend who is not family.
38. I am scared of being a single mom.
39. I am completely addicted to the games on the kids Webkinz.
40. I love pasta, bread and potatoes and will therefore never be thin.
41. I look forward to falling in love again.
42 I love to watch the Amish families when I visit Lancaster, PA.
43. I have never been able to subscribe to a particuliar religion.

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6 Comments

Filed under single parenthood

6 responses to “43 Things

  1. Neat list.

    11 – Mine doesn’t smell bad either….but wait you didn’t say it didn’t you said you like it. *LOL*
    19 – hats off to you! No way.
    31 – Don’t we all. 😉

    I’m sorry you are in a difficult place right now. In my book you are a super momma. Just so you know that. And I mean that.

  2. 44. You are brave and have the strength to get through all of the crap that comes your way.

    Mama, there’s a big hug coming your way from this city girl (see good thing DO come from the city!). Keep writing.

  3. Very insightful! You’ve inspired me, so I’ve produced my own version:

    1. I am about to turn (gulp) 39 years old.
    2. I am stressed right now.
    3. I love watching my brilliant Arizona sunsets.
    4. I think thunderstorms are kinda scary.
    5. I can’t stand rap music, either.
    6. I used to be a city girl, but left the rat race almost two years ago, although I still commute daily to work in the city.
    7. I need to have at least a few minutes of solitude on a daily basis.
    8. I don’t love my cat enough every day.
    9. I am also deeply empathetic to others to a fault. Although I am becoming less patient with those who take advantage of me.
    10. I don’t know what to eat anymore.
    11. I could sit and watch the ocean waves rolling in for hours on end.
    12. I want there to still be family farms when my kids grow up. (Ditto)
    13. I want to see fewer cars on the freeway & city streets someday.
    14. I drink coffee all day long, but never soda.
    15. I love to read other people’s blogs. I wish I could make a career out of it.
    16. I could not live without dark or bittersweet chocolate. (Definitely!)
    17. I wish I could let myself fall in love with a man who could love me back.
    18. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head that I love obsessively. Except maybe ice cream.
    19. I wish there weren’t so many black widow spiders in my garage.
    20. My daughter rules my heart and soul.
    21. Some days I find it hard to even get dressed.
    22. I have been a sales rep., a customer service rep., receptionist, cashier and waitress.
    23. I feel like an indentured servant often.
    24. I have always longed to be a singer and an actress.
    25. I like to sleep in crisp, just-washed sheets.
    26. I want to make the world a safer place for women.
    27. I will probably always prefer my hair long no matter how many times I chop it off.
    28. I wish I could live in a T-shirt and flannel PJ pants.
    29. I love all shades of pink.
    30. I love the way fresh snow sparkles in the full moon’s light.
    31. Some days I secretly want to run away from home (and be a rock star…lol!)
    32. I am extremely proud of my mother and father.
    33. I don’t understand why people are so competitive with each other.
    34. I believe that most people don’t realize just how closely our children are watching us.
    35. I believe that God never intended for us to judge and condemn each other like we do.
    36. Nail-biting creeps me out.
    37. I have two best friends, and have been so since my adolescence.
    38. The thought of being a single mom terrified me, until I tried it on for a while.
    39. I love to play at Chuck E. Cheese just as much as the kids do!
    40. I love pasta, bread and potatoes too!
    41. I am scared to fall in love again.
    42 I have never seen any Amish families in person. But I have seen an FDLS family once.
    43. I have learned that religion and spirituality are two very different things.

  4. That’s a lovely post, and a great list.

    I think you’ve inspired me to make a list of my own!

  5. I hate the way the courts will encourage you to soften the blow of your ex’s screw-ups. Give him another chance. How they assume that a dysfunctional, unstable, unreliable father is better than no father at all, and you just need to tell your kids to suck it up.

    GRRRR. At least you are complying with your court orders and he’s making a pretty poor showing. You are NOT a bad mom, even if the courts will try everything to make you the guilty one and him the victim.

  6. how does one smell their belly button?? Do i need a special yoga class for that?

    great list

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