Today was a monster for me. It all started well and good with a quiet morning, a new soup and a batch of bread. It ended with a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a new soup that I couldn’t stand, a day full of wishing and dreaming about sewing projects I want so badly to get to and just don’t have the time, a mess in the children’s rooms I just cleaned and a yelling match/cry session in my bedroom when I begged and pleaded to my children to just please cut me a break and do what they’re told.
I’m tired….and a little lost.
I have this image in my head of this person I should be and then this person I want to be and the person I am right now doesn’t seem to be living up to either of those visions.
I’m really unhappy with myself and need some time to reflect.
I need to make some priorities as well as some schedules and some charts maybe.
Tomorrow night I will make a list of all the things I want done in the house. Then I will make a budget and a schedule for the girls and I. There’s going to be a lot of paper flying, I think.
Then I’m going to outline some baby steps to get there.
I’m tired of going 1,000 miles an hour.
I’m so damn tired of being the only adult in this house. I miss having a family, not a big family I have that, I mean the family unit in general. Someone to curl up and watch a movie with, or tell about my day, or to say, this is bull$@*# really, isn’t it?
I’m going to take a week off. No, I still have to go to work, and take care of the kids, and go to the grocery and clean up.
But I’m stepping away from the computer this week. Just till my head is clear again.
I’m going to meditate this week. Seriously. On who I am, where I’ve been and where I’m going.
I might mourn a little too.
I’m preparing a few posts, because it’s stuff I wanted to get up.
In the meantime, have a great week. I’ll respond to you all when I get back on Sunday night.