No Closure

It’s been a while since I posted anything about ex-husband.  Things have been quiet on that front since I was awarded full custody in January.

Though I have made so much healing progress since last year, one thing still bothers me.  I will never get the closure I need from him.  I had continued to think that after losing everything and doing three stints in jail he would admit to having a drug problem and he would realize how much he hurt the girls and I and for that matter everyone around him.  That one day he might realize what he lost in me and our family and regret the decisions he made and own up to that.

He continues to deny that.  I was treated to a barrage of text messages following a phone conversation tonight.  Our custody order states that he is to  have supervised visitation with his mother and father or sister and her boyfriend in either of their homes.  I feel this is fair given a series of events that I won’t go into detail here.  Basically he finds the fact that he uses (abuses) prescription drugs as “not a drug problem” and  recurring stints in jail for violating a five-count felony prescription narcotic probation where he disappears out of their lives for weeks at a time NOT anything to worry about.

So this weekend he wanted to pick up Boo (himself) and spend time with her “himself” because his mother was not available.  Then when I told him that violated the custody order, he said suddenly, that he never said she wasn’t there, then it turned into that his father would be there, then that his father would be there later.  Trust?

So now I’ve been treated to the barrage of threats that he will tell the girls what a “scumbag” mother they have and reveal all my lies and tell them the truth about me.  I hate the fact that I have to allow him to put these girls through this.  If I seriously thought this was about them, versus a hatred of not having any control over me anymore, I might be more forgiving.  But he never calls, he goes weeks without seeing them and they just seem to be an afterthought for him.

Protection for the girls means so much more than the words or the physical sense.  We have such a nice new life here that I wish I could shield them from his hatred and immaturity. 

It’s sad to think about the family we once were before the days of his spinal problems and his narcotics addiction.  It’s sad to see such denial.  But yet it’s much sadder to know that this will be a battle I will have to fight again and again and again.

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5 Comments

Filed under single parenthood

5 responses to “No Closure

  1. I’m sorry you have to go through this. If it was me, I’d be tempted to pack up my kids and move to Australia or some other faraway place.

  2. syd

    Wow. Good for you for sticking up for your kids even when I can’t imagine how hard it must be… Hang in there mama xo

  3. i wondered why i hadn’t heard about *gggrrrr* boy in awhile. he was off being, well, himself. He will never admit to any of these, you need to reaslise that. My dad, same story, still doesn’t know me and still won’t admit to anything. Some men never grow up and take resposibility.

    you are being the smart one, you are protecting your children as ANY good parent would. As much as it sucks to listen to him, and read those texts, it’s still better than what might happen if he took Boo out alone. You have to be a tree with strong roots and stand tall.

    Good job mama 🙂

  4. elaine

    i too went thru a very difficult divorce with a harrassing controlling ex and realized what ever closure i was going to get would have to come from myself.. i was finally relieved of contact with him when my youngest turnd 16 and she could make her own arrangements, my oldest stopped seeing him at 15 and has never looked back… it is a long and challenging road however as the sane and responsible parent it does fall in your lap to protect and keep them safe.. you will never regret your investment in them hard as it can be especially around this stuff.. eventually i found single parenting soo much easier and satisfying than trying to do it with someone who was untrustworthy, contrlooing and malicious…sounds like you are doing a very good job on all fronts

  5. Your girls are so lucky to have a strong mama to shield them. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with all of this.

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