It’s been a while since I posted anything about ex-husband. Things have been quiet on that front since I was awarded full custody in January.
Though I have made so much healing progress since last year, one thing still bothers me. I will never get the closure I need from him. I had continued to think that after losing everything and doing three stints in jail he would admit to having a drug problem and he would realize how much he hurt the girls and I and for that matter everyone around him. That one day he might realize what he lost in me and our family and regret the decisions he made and own up to that.
He continues to deny that. I was treated to a barrage of text messages following a phone conversation tonight. Our custody order states that he is to have supervised visitation with his mother and father or sister and her boyfriend in either of their homes. I feel this is fair given a series of events that I won’t go into detail here. Basically he finds the fact that he uses (abuses) prescription drugs as “not a drug problem” and recurring stints in jail for violating a five-count felony prescription narcotic probation where he disappears out of their lives for weeks at a time NOT anything to worry about.
So this weekend he wanted to pick up Boo (himself) and spend time with her “himself” because his mother was not available. Then when I told him that violated the custody order, he said suddenly, that he never said she wasn’t there, then it turned into that his father would be there, then that his father would be there later. Trust?
So now I’ve been treated to the barrage of threats that he will tell the girls what a “scumbag” mother they have and reveal all my lies and tell them the truth about me. I hate the fact that I have to allow him to put these girls through this. If I seriously thought this was about them, versus a hatred of not having any control over me anymore, I might be more forgiving. But he never calls, he goes weeks without seeing them and they just seem to be an afterthought for him.
Protection for the girls means so much more than the words or the physical sense. We have such a nice new life here that I wish I could shield them from his hatred and immaturity.
It’s sad to think about the family we once were before the days of his spinal problems and his narcotics addiction. It’s sad to see such denial. But yet it’s much sadder to know that this will be a battle I will have to fight again and again and again.