It is right now at this time, one year ago, that the proverbial **** hit the fan bringing the official closing to my marriage. The day when I stood with my family and said, enough is enough, I have to leave. Somehow, someway, I will have to find a way out.
There are no words to say or use to begin to express how I could not have made it without my family. How each and everyone of them found it in themselves to help.
My mother listened to me cry endlessly. She sat on the phone with me trying to make sense of something that just cannot be explained. She stayed up night after night and felt only the hurt and rage a mother could feel at her daughter being berated and betrayed. She did the only thing she could do for me which is be my mother and she is the only one I wanted.
My father stopped by and stopped by and watched me come back to life. He gave me the most loveliest of cards that told me I would find my way out. He has become retired part -time caregiver to my girls. He has also taken on his new role of escort to three girls who like to take excursions.
My step-father supported my mother and also listened on the phone and gave hugs, lots of strong hugs. He and my mother opened their home to us in an instant when I thought it unsafe to stay by myself.
My sister listened and did probably the most horrible of tasks which was helping me scrub an ancient house I had lived in for ten years from attic to basement over two excruciating days. 2 a.m. my sister on her knees scrubbing the bottom of my refrigerator.
My brother said to me simply, “I am proud of you”. Something a girl feeling a failure and whose confidence level had been shot down to zero desperately needed to hear.
My grandparents, I cannot even begin to type the words, without tears. My grandparents have always been so dear to my heart. Since a tiny wee thing, they have been an integral part of my life and now they came to our rescue building this wonderful place my girls and I call home, on the very spot my great-grandparents lived, right next door to them, where they are always ready, with a helping hand and love and grandparently goodness. To have a place where my girls can run free outside and I can come home and rest my head. To have them there, right there, for my girls to run to, for me to visit with, to see from one kitchen window to the next.
Home never felt so good and being alone never feels quite alone. And one year later- I feel safe…and loved…and exhausted, very, very, very, very exhausted but it could be worse, much worse, for I could not have this force of nature that keeps me steady called my family.