On Being Single.

Single mother.

Everyday of my life I am a single mother.  There is no father here.  Has not been for sixteen months. There is very little father in general.

Yesterday at lunch (another post when more time), I actually mentioned the words “finding someone else”, meaning that my heart and mind might be open to letting someone else in.  I think my exact quote was “If I’m ever going to find someone, I probably should leave the house more often”.  Giggle, snort.

I perused single parent websites and blogs when I first separated, but found that over a short time that I didn’t really click there.   I have one single supermama blog friend left and she just announced she’s getting married again, so well, cannot even count that one.

I don’t know why?  And not that I really care.  I just find it interesting when I really think about it.  And I’m not knocking bloggers who blog about the single parent thing.  I’ve certainly done my share of “I hate being the only parent” posting here.

I received one comment that I never posted that told me “suck it up, you live in a dream world and have no idea how bad other single mothers have it”.

I’m not everyone else, I’m just me.  This is my life and this is my struggle and this is my learning experience on this great big blue and green marble.

Almost all my friends both here in the blog world and in life are married, though some were single parents at one time too.

But in the end after some thinking, it’s like this….

Me, Tired B&W

Being a single mother is what I am right now.  I was a wife for eleven years.  I may one day be a wife again, or not.  But that is not what defines me.  I am a blogger, a baker, a photographer, a locavore, a treehugger, a lover of a handmade life, a woman searching for a simple life and home, a wanna be homesteader, a mama, a daughter, a grandaughter, a sister, a friend.

In the end those things are the things that fuel my fire, light my soul.  I am happy for the single parents who support each other in the single parent community.  Everyone needs a “tribe”, especially a single parent.

I am proud to call each one of you here reading today a part of my tribe.



Filed under mama, single parenthood

23 responses to “On Being Single.

  1. Liz

    That’s a great picture. Remember,it took me 12 year? 13 years? to find the right one again. Not that I would wish that on you at all because they were kinda lonely years as well. But I promise you it will happen. Kev and I haven’t given up on possibly fixing you up. Just need this baby thing to happen first. Of course, there’s always Kent……LOL!!

  2. I agree with Liz, that is a great picture. I was a single mom for awhile. It was hard. I work with a few single moms, one who was alone for over 15 yrs and thought she would never find someone. Last year she did. She’s so happy now it makes me smile everytime I think of her. We all want that don’t we? But what you are now, all those things you listed, make you who you are, with or without a partner. Maybe you won’t always be a single mom, but from what I read and see, you are doing a fantastic job, and anyone who stumbles along into your life and shares it with you, will only be richer for it.

  3. you all are nice, i actually think i look tired and washed out in the picture which is why it’s b&w, but pretty much that’s me these days.

    i am in no hurry, if and when it happens, it happens, in the meantime, the most important thing is loving myself which has been a long time coming.

  4. Hi! Another Only Mama here too – I’ll be quite happy to help you build another tribe.

    Just as soon as I also figure out how to leave the house.


  5. I was looking at a map last night with Tallie and I told her all the states where I had a blog friend. It was so cool. I feel honored to be part of your tribe that is if you were including me.

  6. I read your words, they always get to the heart of things, and they speak to me. And I wish I had something enlightening to write as a comment, but I never have the words. I think in the list of things that fuel your fire you forgot one: you are a writer.

  7. If I could, I’d give you a big squeeze right now. Such a heartfelt post. Brave you. Like Denise, I’m honored to be part of your tribe. And, from the little glimpse into your world that I see, I think you’re doing a fabulous job. Enjoy the weekend!

  8. Cute photo of you…! I’m so glad our paths crossed…I have been blessed getting to “know” you…

    You are doing a fabulous job being YOU. And maybe that OTHER person needs to suck it up! Gosh…people can be so mean and self-centered…


  9. Emily-if you figure it out let me know 😉

    Denise- Always! I thought about doing the map thing too. It’s very cool to know so many so far away.

    Francesca- you are too kind, and your words were perfect.

    Nancy & Michelle- you have both been given me such great insight!

  10. I don’t show myself often, but if you’re ok with a guy in the tribe I’m happy to be that guy.

    For me I think it’s pride. I’m just proud of you and those girls … as strange as that might sound. One doesn’t have to really know someone to be proud of them. Right?

  11. I also agree that the photo is fantastic. It is so much fun to see what you look like. I think this is the first photo I have seen of you.

    Thanks for welcoming me into your tribe. This is what I love about blogging. Getting to know people who I would never otherwise ever get to know. What an amazing experience to be able to peek into other lives and for me, to have others peek into mine. I love that we can support one another and help when needed.

    I am so glad that I stumbled upon your blog and the many others that I enjoy reading.

    Have a lovely weekend,

  12. chuck-you always have a place. you gave me encouragement in the really rough times. and it’s always nice to know you’re watching my back.

  13. Tricia- i feel exactly the same way!

  14. Knowing who you are without being “defined” by roles or other’s perceptions makes you that much more special. Not everyone has that.

    I’d like to thank you here for keeping up such a wonderful blog. When I read it I feel part of a small community, a growing tribe of sorts, and wish that these like-minded neighbors/commenters were truly neighbors of mine. Thanks for bringing us all together.

  15. syd

    Dear friend, I have so many thoughts about this – about what you’ve said and about my *own* thoughts on being a single parent… as well as not being a single parent for much longer. Things that have been percolating in my mind and waiting to come out on my own blog (thank goodness I have somewhere to blurt these things).

    It was so hard being a single parent; the hardest thing I’ve done in my life so far. And now that I’m transitioning into having help… I appreciate every single bit of it. I appreciate every dish that gets washed by hands that aren’t my own. And I wonder at the fact that I can get sick and someone else is available to tuck children in to sleep.

    And I still am grateful for the tribe I have through the internet. Although I have been more absent than usual I expect I will be back soon. There’s something reassuring about being able to write when things are going well, and write when things are hard… and know there are others out there having similar experiences.

    I am grateful for you, friend across the internet. Have been grateful for you since I found you. xo

  16. You know, maybe the tribe continues while the members of the tribe shift. While some single parents may move into a new relationship and drift away, having the remaining single parents still here to accept us into the tribe is reassuring. It’s our job to welcome those who are new to this and to help them get comfortable by sharing our experiences. I have a lot of friends in NY where I live, but most if they have kids are married. This online community has allowed me to feel less out of place, has let me know that what I’m feeling is ok, and has given me constructive suggestions on how to handle new situations that come up. For that I am grateful and thank the tribe. 😉

  17. I have no idea what it’s like to be a single parent.

    So, take this with a grain of salt, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just saying, “I don’t need a relationship right now. I’ll just focus on my kids until they’re grown.”

    And, you know that by not worrying or thinking about it, you might actually find someone in your life sooner than you thought!

  18. It’s been amazing that as I started writing more and commenting on others sites that I’ve recognized that there is a bigger single parent community out there. All of my friends, family and associates are married and it has been the online single parent blogs that start to make it feel a bit more comfortable. And, it’s okay to be a single parent. We can not change a lot of these things overnight, and we shouldn’t really try.

  19. You don’t have to be a single parent to feel tribeless. As a couple without children, here and in the blog world (single parent friends and married), I too often feel ‘tribeless’. Like you said.. I am not like everyone else. You have to embrace who you are. What you love. Everyone wants to feel like they belong, despite what “labels” may be attached to them. I am honored to be a part of your tribe..

  20. Catching up on my blog reading after several days away and just read this. What a heartfelt post. I was a single mom for several years with 2 teenage sons–and might as well have been a single mom for many years prior to that given the shambles of my marriage. It is a lonely path sometimes. The nice thing is that sometimes, sometimes someone else shows up alongside the road and holds out a hand and says “let’s travel this together.” I am now in a wonderful marriage, albeit now as an empty nester. The other nice thing is that if someone doesn’t show up, life rolls on and you have many friends–both here in Blogville and out there in the world–to share life with. I love your writing!

  21. blueskyhi

    I find parenthood at times very difficult and I’ve got a loving super-involved hubby, so I never ceased to be amazed by how all the single mums I know do such a brilliant job. I sit in awe of all the single mums that give their heart and soul to their kids without every getting a thank you. So never doubt yourself and keep moving forward. xxx

  22. your fierce and soft and all you!
    thanks for sharing this space and for seeing all that you are.

  23. Me too, me too! I wanna be in your tribe too! 😉 Seriously, I’m a single mama too (always have been), I am just moving into the blogosphere, and wow! What an amazing world with fantastic, brave, and fascinating people like you. I look forward to getting to know you through your words. I have already been inspired by the few posts I stumbled upon tonight.

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