No More Apologies

i am an apologizer.  my grandmother swears she is going to try to break me of it.  she said to me once in the car, “jennifer, if a meteor crash landed on the earth you would say, oh, i’m sorry”, or something to that affect.  it’s true.

at the ripe old age of almost thirty-eight, i’ve just decided i am who i am and if the world doesn’t like it, tough.  you’ve seen those people right?  just marching along on their merry way, playing along to their own tune, not giving a care to what anyone else thinks just caught up in being themselves.  here’s the thing about those people….they usually seem happy. oblivious to strange looks.  my goal is to become one of those people.

so, i will not apologize for my addiction to sci-fi television, i will not apologize for blaring Dave Matthew’s Band in my car by myself on the way to the grocery store, i will not apologize for not wearing makeup all weekend long, i will not apologize for having long, dull boring hair, i will not apologize for being a whiner, i will not apologize for being lazy about doing dishes, i will not apologize for having a big heart, i will not apologize for taking seemingly inappropriate photos in public places, i will not apologize for eating against the grain, i will not apologize for putting my kids to bed early so i can workout, i will not apologize for not using capital letters,  i will not apologize for having a strange obsession with Harry Potter, i will not apologize for letting  a few curse words slip, i will not apologize for feeling lonely, i will not apologize for overdue library books, i will not apologize for not calling, for not going, for not doing.

it’s my time.  this is the only time i have.  someone once told me that right now all i should really worry about focusing on is raising my children.  they were wrong.

if i feel trapped in this life of only focusing on my children, where am i in all that?  and if i am unhappy with myself what does that show my children?

i’m taking a day a month to go out and do something for me.   no apologies.

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15 Comments

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15 responses to “No More Apologies

  1. Beautiful post…so insightful. Doesn’t it feel good to FINALLY start learning who we ARE?! I’m enjoying the process…even if it’s really hard at times.

    Just so you know you’re not alone…dull hair? check. no makeup? check. inappropriate photos? check. and there are a few others…(cough cough *curse words* cough cough!) but I’ll leave it at that!

    As far as that day out? Can I come?

  2. This is a great post. I’m not a parent so I can’t begin to dispense parenting advice – but I think its important to let children know its okay to be themselves. I think its good for them to know that you need your time so that if they have their own children someday they know its okay too…

    I’m learning that one of the best gifts I can give someone is the best / healthiest me that I can be and in order for that to happen I have to take time to make myself the best / healthiest /happiest.

  3. you so don’t need to apologize. please, be yourself!! that is who we like. oh, yes. you so deserve to take care of yourself. every mom does. i’m almost 40 and I am finally living my life. 20’s – didn’t have a clue who i was. 30’s – didn’t have time to know who I was. 40’s – i am going to be me.

  4. I suggest you join me!

  5. a great and relatable list of non-apologies.
    i keep meaning to do that day a month for me thing too, but for some reason always forget! thanks for the reminder!

  6. blueskyhi

    Of all people in the world I think working single parents deserve SO much more than one day a month to themselves.

    I too am/was an apologiser but I seem to be doing it less the older I get.

  7. Liz

    Yeah! To use a tired cliche…you go girl!

  8. my daddy used to always say, “it is what it is.” i’ll put a new spin on that…”you are who you are.” no reason to change.

  9. Peg

    Bravo for you!!! It sounds quite healthy and balanced to me. You seem like a fine woman…
    go with that….real & human…

  10. I do think that you are not doing your girls any favors if you lose yourself along the way. I hope you can overcome your apologies and let yourself be you want to be!

  11. Hello there,

    Thanks for all your comments yesterday. I have been still keeping up with you and all that you do, but have not been commenting as much.

    If you ever see this from me on one of your posts 🙂 it will be my way of saying that I read your post and liked it. I saw this idea on another blog and thought it was lovely. I read many blogs each day and always want to comment on them, but it is often hard to even squeeze in one quick comment. That little face will be my way of telling you that I read your blog today (or, I might actually leave a comment too, depending on what is going on).

    I hate Fridays too, but I think I despise Monday even more. Hope you have a great week!

    Tricia

  12. bravo, work it girl it`s your time… i never use capitals and just dots between thoughts… and i love it,…. throw caution to the wind, you have so much room, you will not falter on the mothering end by taking necessary time for yourself,… in fact it might just contribute to the mothering thing

  13. deb

    Ah, this is so beautiful… and so true.

    One day a month doesn’t seem to be near enough.

    You deserve all the best in life… just like everyone else.

    Hope you’re off to a great start this week. 🙂

  14. Lovely post!

    It is so difficult, sometimes, not to get entirely wrapped up in our children, isn’t it—–but being who we are, with nary an apology, is such an amazing gift to our children so that they will learn to never be ashamed to be who THEY are.

    I enjoy your blog—-thanks so much for sharing.

    Blessings, Patti

  15. I do the thing, too. Too much. I need to take a cue from you and stop it.

    I’m really enjoying your blog– it’s so centered on what matters.

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