working out, slowing down.

i feel myself disappearing slowly from the online world.  gone seem to be the days where i could sit for hours visiting here and there, looking up this, researching that.  has anything really changed in my life?  i couldn’t say.  but lately, it’s been one of the last places i seem to go.

i think that perhaps i should rejoice in the fact that i am finding my time elsewhere.  that i am busy.  that i am focused on other things.  that my attention is not solely focused on a machine, but on myself.

i am working out.  steadily.  cardio, 30 to 45 minutes at least four times a week.  strength training every other day.  building up our fruit and vegetable intake, cutting back our meat and white flour/sugar  intake.  my goal is to lose 33 pounds this year.  i started a little over two weeks ago and  i have lost 5 so far.  why 33?  it’s just a goal that sounds right to me.  if i lose 40 or 25 so be it.

the important part is that i want to feel comfortable in my body again.  which right now isn’t happening.  the excess weight i’ve put on in the last year and a half is chipping away at my newly found self-esteem.  i’m also thinking a haircut is in order and perhaps a make-up education, not for everyday, but you know, for special days.  i want to feel pretty.

so i’m working hard.  i am pushing myself.  but the funny thing is that as the weeks have progressed it feels less like pushing and more like enjoying.  i like the way my breath comes and goes when i exercise.  i like the fact that i am aware of my breath (thank you for the reminder) and i like the way my body feels when it is working.  who would have ever guessed?

most importantly though, i love the yoga afterwards.  i end every cardio session with yoga,  i slow down, cool a little and then strike my poses and it brings everything back down to earth.  yoga feels to me like connecting with my innermost self.  and after such hard work, it’s the soothing tunes of my favorite Kenyan musician, Ayub Ogada that help me relax back into a place of peace.  the words are in a language i do not understand so there is no distraction but his voice and the sounds of the instruments bring that lull i need, so that when i am done i can lay on my mat at peace.  the resting bit.  see i cannot forget that what my body also needs is the resting bit.

so why have i not been around as much? that is why.  besides being a working mother, being the head of the household, being the caretaker, i am also working very hard on being me.  and this me, as i say every year, is a work in progress.  i made so many beautiful strides last year with my emotional self, it’s time now to focus on my physical self, and unfortunately that eats up a lot of time, but i’ve decided, most certainly, that i am worth it.

someone  recently put up a quote about taking action, to not only think, but do, be the change you want, not only talk the talk, but walk the walk.

i am walking, the walk.

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “working out, slowing down.

  1. Miranda

    This is really beautiful.

    I find that I rely on the internet the most when I am the most unhappy with my real life (not that what happens here isn’t real!). And, sitting and staring at the computer screen seems to only serve to make me more unhappy. Ugh…

    I’m very excited about your focus on yourself, though. It really sounds wonderfully motivated – it comes from a good place. I hope you will still pop in to update on that, but I do understand if you don’t.

  2. Denise

    awesome Jen. This is just awesome. Love what you are doing. It is the perfect combination. Just yesterday I thought – I need to pick up some weights again. (for one, my shoulder is like too lose). I have to also agree with Miranda. Her comment is spot on. Thank you both for a kick in my … to get off the computer more. I have been thinking about doing a one day fast from technology a week. Oh, I am rambling. Sorry. Just want to say – WAY to go!!

  3. Good for you…in all the ways you mentioned…

    While you may be “away”, you are never far from my thoughts…

    ~~Camie~~

  4. I’m so glad you posted the link to the music. It’s absolutely gorgeous, & is perfect for massage work & yoga (which I’ve been intending to get back into). This just may inspire me. Life seems to go in cycles, with my focus changing and shifting. It sounds as though you’re in a similar place, & noticing and honoring that. It sounds like you’re in a good place.

  5. sue

    a pleasure to read, very inspiring.. and that’s twice today that ‘being the change you want’ has popped up……. ; )

  6. Good for you and it was very inspiring to read (as Sue mentioned above). It is hard to get back into regular exercising, as I am finding these days, especially when you are the head of the household and the one holding down the fort.

    You must be proud of yourself.

    Enjoy your weekend,
    Tricia 🙂

  7. Love the link to Ayub Ogada. I’ll have to try that for my cool-down stretching. There comes a day when you actually “miss” your workout – that’s when you know you’re hooked. :>)

    Cheers ~ Conny

  8. Good for you! As moms, caretakers, etc. it is easy to get caught up in what we think we “have to do” and we forget to take care of us. Enjoy this next step in your journey.

  9. Sheri

    Feeling comfortable in your own skin, it’s such an important thing. I am so happy that you are finding your way and literally making strides to feel better. I have come to understand over time that taking care of ourselves physically makes us better mothers and women.

  10. deb

    Good for you!! I agree with you too, I want to feel comfortable in my own body too and I’m working on that. One day at a time.

    Hope you’re enjoying a beautiful, relaxing weekend!

  11. Look at all of the support you have! Don’t feel guilty about being away. Your words support us all and make us all want to treat ourselves better.

    Love this post.

  12. I stumbled across your blog a couple weeks ago and wanted to tell you that it really touched me to see how real you are. As a single Mama of two over here in Indiana…I can relate. Your amazing…keep on keeping on. 🙂

  13. So I felt like you were writing to me personally today… thanks!

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