I just realized that as of Tuesday I have officially been divorced for one year. Granted we were legally separated for more than a year before that thanks to the court system. Regardless, I read back through this blog last night and relived that year leading up to the divorce when I was first on my own and this past year after.
I used to be anti-divorce. Of course everyone goes into their marriage thinking it is going to last forever. I tucked a card under my husbands pillow on our wedding night about being on our porch when we were old . He would be in a rocking chair and I would be too old and tired to sweep, but we would be there together in the night staring at the moon.
We made it a little over ten years. If we were smarter it would have been less. Hindsight is an interesting thing. Things change, never stay the same. Some things you just cannot see will come. Some things you cannot help. Sometimes you have no choice.
If I had not become divorced:
I would not have realized how easily a soul can lose hope and how hard the fight can be to get it back.
I would have not known that the trees above you will hear your whispered fears and prayers and that a breeze on your face can kiss the fear away and bring comfort.
I would not have discovered how strong I can be.
I would not have made friends from around the world.
I would not have known what ferocity resides inside me when it comes to my children.
I would not have discovered how much music affects me, especially voices from around the world.
I would not have found my voice on paper or in print.
I would not have known JUST how much my family and friends love me.
I would not have the same sense of who I am.
I might not have believed that a better day does come. That each day is a fresh start.
I might not have realized my potential.
I would not have discovered how nice a glass of wine and the breeze and moonlight can soothe a soul.
I would not have relished the joys and happiness of life as I can now.
If there is one lesson I’ve learned, that I could give to someone else, it would be this.
That sometimes what seems like the most horrible thing in the world turns out to be a blessing you never knew you needed.