two years.

they said it would take two years to leave the pain, two years to find your way again, to feel yourself.  two years to heal ten.

stability came after one year, peace shortly after, but now past the two year mark, there are other things: happiness, contentment, hope, belief.

i don’t feel like myself again.  i feel better than that.

i don’t just hope anymore.  i am ready to reach out and start doing.

i don’t feel as if there are no scars, but i have been given the healing balm of time and understanding.

someone told me the other day, you don’t deserve what happened to you.

no–i didn’t.

but if i hadn’t then would i be here?  with these lessons, this life, this blessed second chance.

sometimes during those two years the thoughts came to never recover, never trust, never love, ever, ever again.

then you wake up and the world is your oyster and you couldn’t have dreamed this person you would become. from that tiny dark hole the light might somehow creep in and that with time and the light and a lot of soul searching and a lot of help along the way you would be smiling, you would be laughing, you would wake up and look in the mirror and like who you saw.

two years to realize you control your path.

two years to find these moments.

two years to feel you are worthy of being loved again.

two years to lose the tightness, to give it up.

two years to open up and let light and love shine down, wash over you and make you feel—

alive.

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11 Comments

Filed under mama

11 responses to “two years.

  1. almost shale

    Oh. Two years.

    Well, what are two more, when it has taken so long to get to the point of realizing:

    “Yes, i am still mostly alive. Keep on.”

    I wish you well! Keep on dancing in the direction of your dreams!

  2. Liz

    So so proud and so so happy for you….if anyone could go through what you did and come out where you have, it would be you. Never doubted it for a minute!

  3. so happy for you too. you are alive and you are well. I know everyone says it but I do think everything happens for good reason. enjoy this day!!

  4. elaine

    sounds like you have arrived, shiny and new, congratulations, hold on to your hat, every arrival is also a departure, may you have the best ride yet

  5. Kim

    I just read your first post. I’m glad you’re here now. I’m so glad you decided to share the stories of your life because I get a lot of joy out of reading them.

    We all have such low moments- hours-days- sometimes years, but somehow, before we know it, we’re jumping over the holes and the numb places and soon we’re skipping and discovering beauty and light that we would have never noticed had we not had to reroute ourselves. This is how I learned appreciation.

  6. This made me cry…as someone who has experienced that transformation once, and I am now working to transform within a relationship. I am so touched that you feel alive-r and stronger, because you are.
    thank you for your honesty.

  7. I haven’t been by for a few days, & goodness, it seems you’re getting strong and finding your way so, so well. I remember that there was a turning point at around 18 months for me. That was when I began to consider the possibilities again, to start to look forward instead of back. May your world open up more and more, until your wildest dreams are a reality.

  8. Bless you. Beautiful words from a beautiful lady. So profound, wise. I’ve heard it said that “Time heals all things.” Maybe it is true. XO

  9. I’m so glad I found you on the internets.

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