Content With Short Bursts of Anxiety

How DID I fall into this happy place?  Was it the  8,000 baby steps I took?   Is it the coming together of 10,000 small moments that made me smile?  Is it the 4,000 horrible nights that I pushed myself through?  I just turned around and here it is.  There was no line.  No marker I crossed. No directional arrow that said “HAPPINESS ➙”

I have  been so content lately.  And I cannot pinpoint it to one direct thing.  It’s just that  sometimes I just stop and smile and just say it out loud,

“I am so happy”.

These small moments.  When I have connected with someone.  Or I have done something, written something, edited something that I am really proud of.  When the insects outside are doing a perfect trilling song.  When the clouds crossing the full moon just radiate beauty.  When my children about burst my heart with their kindness or their laughter.   When my family make me laugh so. very. hard.

This contentment has to do with a lot of people.  There are a lot of people to thank for it.  Some of them are as close as next door or down the road.  A few I found over the last couple years who were important from my past.  Some are friends from as far away as the other side of the country or the other side of the world.  Their voices, their written words bring me comfort, remind me I am never alone.

I will always be anxious.  Always.  I will always have those panicky, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW moments.  Those OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WAY I CAN HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW moments. I am always going to be fighting off certain amounts of self-doubt, of fear. Somedays I want to turn in my Parenting badge, resign and math homework can still bring me to tears, even at the 4th grade level.

But I will take it, this label.  Someone can affix it to me.  Like a warning label.

WARNING:  She is very content, but prone to short bursts of anxiety.

Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we all just wore warning labels?  I like this label.  I like the way it looks on me.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under mama

10 responses to “Content With Short Bursts of Anxiety

  1. I like your label too, and I am happy to hear you say you are so happy (now that’s a lot of happiness!). I think my label would say Warning: She is a very content and happy person, but she’d hurt you for a good piece of chocolate!

  2. Denise

    I like your label. I like you even more!!
    love what you are up to these days.

  3. So totally hear you…anxiety is a constant for me, too. I’ve learned over the years, though, that just because an anxious thought enters my head doesn’t mean I need to ENTERTAIN that thought. I’ve been trying my hand at feeling it…then refusing it. And would you believe??? It works!! I just refuse to be anxious…and it goes away!!

    xoxoxox

    I’m glad you are happy friend…

  4. Yes.. much easier with warning labels 🙂

  5. Susie

    I look to your blog everyday and each time I read your word or see your pictures my heart gets a little lighter. Thank you!!

  6. I love that you are recognizing this in yourself! It makes life so. much. easier. when we’re okay with those short bursts of anxiety : )

  7. so glad you’re happy! and content! i think one’s ability to be content is huge.
    as for labels…yes, it would be easier. not sure what mine would say. maybe it would need the ability to change multiple times throughout the day. maybe i don’t want to know what it would say 😉

  8. Conny

    Just checking in this week. : ) If it has to be a label, then I’m glad it’s a positive one. I’m so happy that you’re so happy ~ really.

    Your blog and kindness blog make me feel happy. Thanks mucho.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s