i have been stressing out about Christmas. if you know someone who is not stressing about Christmas, even if they claim to have it all done or perfect, please introduce me because i would like to verify that it’s real and not drug induced. the funny thing is today i stopped being stressed about Christmas.
today i spent with a whole lot of people who showed me a whole lot of love. i really, really take for granted how many souls out there care about me. from a one year old to an eighty year old, i am blessed with people who smile when they see me. you know when you walk up to someone and they smile and are legitimately happy to see you for no other reason but to see you? i wish i could bottle up that feeling and carry it around with me to hand out at random.
i am damn lucky for sure.
people love you because they love you. i realized this this year. (and i hate when the same word falls together in a sentence, but i’m leaving it). confidence is a tough thing to come by sometimes. it is far too easy to become your own worst enemy, only see your faults. i love the people i do because i see their souls shine. i don’t care that they are a little or a lot overweight. i don’t care that they have messy hair, or a crooked tooth. i go with their shortcomings and celebrate their goodness.
i am known to not notice things. a haircut, or dye job. what color your eyes are. one time my ex-husband shaved his goatee and i didn’t notice for three days. maybe i’m just unobservant, but maybe that means i see more to you than what is at first apparent. and maybe you see me that same way too. maybe you don’t care that my hair is messy, or i have age spots forming on my nose, or my middle is a little squishy. maybe you just like me because i’m, well, me. messy but filled up with love.
at thirty eight years old i was scared to death to think about having a first date again. on my last first date i was twenty-one years old. take out a photo of me when i was twenty-one, full of fire and energy and youth and beauty and take a look at me now, care-worn and plum tuckered out. that’s a little scary. what i found though was that somehow, somewhere along the way i have found my beauty in a whole new way. it’s the kind that comes with lessons learned and the appreciation of so much more of what you can take from this life. my first date involved my daughters first and resulted in my youngest getting to hold his hand before me (always sacrificing for the children). i have waited three years for this first date and i couldn’t have picked a better person to share it with. because this one, he sees that beauty that i see. he sees my soul shine. i’m just glad i got to find it first.