hating the house moms.

**disclaimer, after I wrote this post I took a hot bath and did a 30-minute yoga practice that inspired me to write a much more positive post.  I almost considered deleting this one, but decided it was a part of me, so look for the uplifting yoga post this weekend.

 

Not really.  I’m serious, I’m not a hater.  Okay, maybe just a little bit.  It’s nothing personal, trust me.  It’s not specifically  you that I dislike.  It’s not your hair or your personality, or your habits.  It’s just that you are there and I bet you are there with the kids.  And I bet you are not trying to cram bills and laundry and housecleaning and homework and dinner planning and photography and blogposts and a fifteen minute hot bath into one night or one weekend.

And I bet you would die to get out of the house right now.  Perhaps one of your little ones has been sick for four days and you would give anything just to run away and go to the grocery store, alone.  Or maybe your thinking, she has no idea,  she gets to have adult conversations, no one screaming “mama”  four hundred times a day.  I bet she actually gets to read on her lunch hour.  AND then she gets a paycheck.  Every two weeks.

It’s been a rough week.  Again, it seems.  Every week is hard and no amount of planning or organization can defeat the frustration or the tiredness.  No one said motherhood was easy.  No one said balancing work and home life would be easy and NO ONE said  running a house and a family alone would be easy.  I love Karelyn so very much more than life itself, but if someone would have made me pause and say “wait, before you add a second child to your almost two year old, you need to know you’ll be doing this alone in about four years”,  I might have rethought my position. (if you know me at all, you’ll say “she’s just tired” and know that I would not).

I know staying at home with your kids can be tough, but right now, I cannot help but think if I just had one month to  focus on house and home, my family and my art, goodness what could I accomplish?  What would my house look like?  What would I actually be able to remember on a day to day basis versus the flying in ten directions and saying a prayer we are remembering everything.  And this is with paper calendars and multitudes of lists and appointments scheduled in my cell phone.

Today, I had to have multiple reminders and I practically forgot one important thing.  I actually DID forget to reschedule Emily’s dentist appointment, but that wasn’t the important thing, that would be almost forgetting to call home and find out which house the girls would be at this afternoon when their grandmother on their father’s side picked them up tonight.  

Then there was the fundraiser.  I had to pick up the school fundraiser.  The only notification came as a recorded message last night.  Good thing I got the message, because as the fundraiser is frozen food, if it was not picked up by between 4pm and 6pm tonight then it was to be donated.  Are you serious?  This is the forgetful woman’s nightmare.  So I had it written on my calendar, my friend at work wrote it on a post it note and paperclipped it to my bag.  Then I scheduled it on my cell phone and let it beep to remind me every five minutes between the time we closed at work and the time I pulled into the school parking lot.

I planned on working out tonight (hahahahahahahha).  I just want to go curl up under a blanket and eat chocolate chip cookies.  I hid all my dirty pots and pans in the dishwasher and they might stay there until Friday night when this work week is over.   I’m going to ignore the cat litter box and the unswept floor and the hidden dishes and the broken closet door and go climb in a hot bath for a bit.

So I’m sorry.   To the class mother who knows every child in my daughter’s class who I never even knew your daughter was my daughter’s best friend when I met you at variety show tryouts.

I’m sorry, mother who is scrapbooking every moment of her child’s upbringing and creating cute slideshows to music.

I’m sorry, mother with the ability to actually carry a camera and complete a 365 project.

I’m sorry, mother about ready to publish your first book, that you worked diligently on while the children were at school or napping.

I’m sorry, mother who is posting daily Flickr photos of her everyday life full of cups of tea, or pretty flowers arranged neatly on a table or of kids eating homemade, nutritious lunches or creating amazing crafty projects from ordinary household items.

I don’t really hate you.  I’m just tired, and cold, and bitchy and lastly I’m just jealous.

How did you end up with my life?

Sometimes the one I ended up with seems ridiculously hard.

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9 Comments

Filed under single parenthood

9 responses to “hating the house moms.

  1. I was just thinking about this exact same thing last night as I picked up Moose pee from the floor, brought the 2nd load of laundry to the garage, came back in and announced that it was going to be grilled cheese for dinner, had to spend 20 mins with John trying to get a blood sample from Moose (with tears in my eyes), looked around at my house which needs a good cleaning and then thought about the huge vet bill we just paid. Images of these beautiful perfect houses, with pristine Valentine decorations all around, gorgeous meals on the table made by stay at home Moms, crafts galore….it just makes my head spin sometimes and I have someone here to help me, so I can’t even imagine what you go through on a daily basis.

    You’re a great Mama. When I’m stressing I always try to remember that in the long run the kids will never remember the dirty dishes or or dusty furniture, but that you were there for them. Hang in there hon.

  2. Sheri

    I try to remind myself that their life may appear perfect at the surface, but in reality there is more hidden away. Sometimes I actually feel physical pain to have my old life back. You are absolutely correct, there is only so much that you as one person can do. Yet, someone or something always needs more. I am am caught somewhere between SAM and WM. I have dug my heels in for the better part of almost two years because of this exact post. If trying to keep up is like this now, then what happens in the future? The thought scares me a wee bit.

    I’m personally glad you left the post. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one with multiple calendars, multiple reminders, and a strong desire to just go to bed. I’m not sure what to say, other than you are not alone. (Though its funny how the universe plays with us and it feels so very much like we are.) Please know that as I take a few minutes to breathe this morning, before we head off to our millionth doctors appointment, that I will be sending you lots of peaceful and positive thoughts. 🙂

  3. Denise

    oh dear, I know exactly the way you are feeling. I have totally been there. All I can say is hang in there. You are not alone!!

  4. Liz

    Do not think for a moment you are alone. I feel the same way about 90% of the time!

  5. i’ve been where you are. more than once. in ten years you’ll be able to look back and know that it was all worth it. what seems like a mountain now will appear to be a blip in the landscape in the years to come. hang in there girl. may i suggest some candle light and a glass of wine tonight? have a little cocktail party with your girls. give them a fancy glass with juice. then shoo them off to bed. xo

  6. I am right there with you. I miss being home with my children more than I can stand. And doing it alone is incredibly hard. But you are doing an amazing job. Truly. Your wonderful girls are proof of that.

  7. “How did you end up with my life?/Sometimes the one I ended up with seems ridiculously hard.”

    We all say that–not just non-stay-at-home moms to stay-at-home moms. I am almost 55, grateful that I am still alive, grateful that I have a wonderful fulfilling life and a great marriage, and I STILL find myself saying that (internally) to someone else every now and then.

  8. I’m glad you didn’t delete this post because it is a part of the authentic you and if we can’t be ourselves here in “blogland,” then what the hell is the point of this anyways. I’m a stay at home mom right now, though I have worked since my son was born and I know it’s ridiculously hard – even with a partner living in the home. All I can say is, my home is not filled with decorations or beautiful kiddie, crafty things and I absolutely HATE (okay, maybe a little mean – but true) all the other SAH mom blogs I’ve been reading. I’m far from that picture of the “perfect mommy.” I am grateful for this time I get with my son, mostly because my own childhood was a mess and I would never have known how joyful childhood could be if not for the time I’ve spent with him. I believe that in the long run your daughters will respect you more for working outside the home. You’re teaching them more than you probably realize. We all have to make big sacrifices as mothers. That’s a universal truth – whether we stay at home or not. Life is rough all over. I’m not offended, but a little saddened by your post – only because I’m finding a common alienating thought pattern towards “house moms” in the blogosphere. We don’t all fit into the same group. Please believe me.

  9. Hi there,

    Just read your post and then the one a few days later. When I first started blogging I was overwhelmed by the other mommy blogs out there. I stay at home and I like to do crafts and baking, but I don’t do a lot of the other things that other mom’s do (canning, scrap booking, growing your own food, making your own clothing, tending animals, making your own detergents etc., etc.). It made me feel inadequate to read these blogs and I did a blog post along those lines. A friend who blogs pointed out to me that she has lots of challenging days with her kids, but she was choosing not to blog about those days. She wanted her blog to be more positive. That comment really made me open my eyes! It never even occurred to me that the other moms had bad days. But we all do. I think it is wonderful that you are writing about your own authentic life and all the good & bad that goes along with it.

    Hope things are looking up now!

    Tricia

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