perfection.

{i have been playing a lot with words lately}

I had a bit of a meltdown last Thursday.  I had been sick and worn down.  Dotoomuchitis and bugbityouitis.  I have a problem, I want everything to be perfect.    I am a failed perfectionist.

I have tried to let go a little this past week and let myself just be.  Some days have been easier than others.  Tonight, I happened across an article in an old Yoga Journal entitled, “Making Peace With Perfection” and it was this line from the article that stood out to me:

“In Sanskrit, one of the words for perfection is purna, usually translated as fullness or wholeness”.

So now I am wondering, if I strive to define perfectionism as feeling full or whole, will that bring me closer to feeling peaceful with myself ?  If I don’t define perfection as everything being in it’s proper place, the undone sitting, whispering, failure, failure, failure to me every night will that bring me closer to feeling whole or well?

Perhaps.

Perhaps perfectionism is finding a balance between the work that needs to be done physically and the work that needs to be done mentally.  I do have enough sense to know that life should be about balance.

I don’t have enough sense to pay attention to my body before it gives me a swift kick in the ass.

In my ever ongoing  journey to balance my life I have come up with a new plan.  I am giving myself half a day Saturday and Sunday to do the need to’s.    The rest of the day is my time with no expectations to DO anything. No chores on weeknights, dinner, homework, a possible workout, and a chat with my honey is enough.

And I’ve made a pact to not go to bed later than 10:30 on a weeknight.  I’m getting better at it and mornings have been slightly more peaceful.

I’m still working on the perfectionism thing though.  And really I would like to throw the word out the window and away from my vocabulary.

Fullness and wholeness though.

That has a nice ring to it.

I think when I reach those rare moments when I feel that way I will just block my sight from everything else and sink in.  Because how often do we take the time in a blissful moment to stop and say, “this is perfection”.

Maybe that’s the answer.  Finding your bliss.

Or maybe I’ll just let go of the whole thing and just stop thinking.

That’s probably the best option of all.


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2 Comments

Filed under mama

2 responses to “perfection.

  1. i used to go, go, go, do, do, do when i got home from work. when babies came along, i’d start that after they went to bed which meant i went to bed late. not sure when it happened, but at some point i gave myself permission to lower my standards of what i expected at home (think of less than perfect housekeeping). and now, all these years later, i’m still fine with it. it’s much more important to savor the imperfect moments we have (which many times are just what we needed) than to work ourselves to the bone trying to attain perfection and missing everything along the way. hope your new plan brings you that ‘perfect’ balance. enjoy the weekend.

  2. A failed perfectionist….oh..me too. Me too. It’s torture… I need to get back on my Flylady routine. It helped me so much years ago…and then I thought I had a handle on things…but now, I’m off the wagon. And my home shows it. I get so overwhelmed…and I’m not even working right now! I KNOW it must be so hard for you… Your new plan sounds good…life is more important…xo

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