Monthly Archives: April 2011

saturday mornings.

” a look at my bedroom windowsill”

saturday mornings mean sleeping in.

maybe not sleeping but lying in bed with no rush to be anywhere.

sometimes girls in my bed, sometimes girls running up and down the hallway or behind closed doors playing with legos.

saturday mornings are about lengthy stretches and rollovers.  burying your face in the pillow or wrapping yourself around one.

saturday morning means lying around thinking about the weekend what we should or want to do.

saturday mornings mean drinking tea slowly rather than rushing  out the door to spill down your skirt on the way to the car.

saturday mornings mean a morning walk with the dog down the back path in the woods.

saturday morning means noticing the changes that are happening amongst the trees and getting excited.

saturday mornings are meant for egg sandwiches or egg wraps or omelets.

saturday mornings are about hoping for a lot to happen, which may or may not come to fruition.

still there is  a lot of promise in Saturday morning when nothing has yet started.

this Saturday morning there is sunshine and bird song.

it is one of those Saturday mornings I am in bed by myself and the girls are hidden behind their own door.

this Saturday i may hike or write or edit or stop by the farm.  maybe this saturday i will finish some collages.

regardless, Saturday is here and it doesn’t yet hold the tiredness or disappointment of Sunday evening.

it holds the promise of all those things yet to come.



Filed under home life


it’s 9:00 pm.  the house is dark and quiet.  i have turned off the lights and shut my door.  the girls are in bed.  if i strain i can hear Jim Dale’s voice coming from their room reading them another in the series of Harry Potter on CD.

it’s spring (it feels like summer) but it’s spring and i’m ready to get moving again.  the girls and i walked a mile tonight after dinner just before dusk, but it  left me wanting a little more.

so i closed the door, put my Peter Davidson channel on Pandora and stuck my legs up the wall.  i never know where my yoga practice is going to go in the evenings.  i know there are certain series of poses i can do.  i used to wake up everyday and do sun salutations and close the evening with a relaxation series.  for awhile i followed this weekly schedule diligently.  now, i find though i just want to listen to my body and this is the way i start.  maybe it’s because my first yoga teacher always started us off with legs on the wall.  after a long day of work, rushing to feed the kids and jumping in the car to class, this was the perfect way to start, and so i still do.

and then i just let my body tell me what it wants and i just enjoy the quiet time listening and moving.  i’ve enjoyed good bouts of cardio many, many times.  it helped me lose 25 pounds last year, but my favorite thing in the world is the slow movements of a good yoga practice that put you in tune with feeling the muscles of your body working.

right now i’m putting special focus on my shoulders.  i had my first massage two weeks ago and the therapist was appalled at my upper back and shoulders.  apparently i haven’t just been carrying my tension there, it’s moved in and tried to make a permanent home.  in all the chaos that is my life, i was prepared to beg her to just let me take a nap on the warm table with the dim lights and the twinkly music, but alas, she knew there was work to be done.

now this past week i’ve been watching my shoulders like a hawk and  i’ve found at ALL points through the day they rest somewhere right beside my ears. so i’ve been doing this little twitchy movement each day, all day, as i recognize my creeping shoulders and force shrug them back down.

so they’re getting  a little special attention right now.

the last part of my practice is always the same too, savasana, oh sweet savasana.  looks so easy.  so not.  but so worth it.  in class we started by tightening every bit of our body and slowly letting it go.  have you ever tried to relax your cheeks?  let your eyes sink into the back of your head?  but it works and anyone who is doing yoga practice, please enlighten me as to how many times you’ve actually fallen asleep in this pose.  maybe it’s the fact i do it at night in the dark and i’m always tired, but it’s a common occurrence.

i wrote this whole post in my head as i worked tonight, but somehow sitting here now on the floor with the screen in front of me the beauty of the words i had then have left me. i’ve resolved to post the thoughts that are in my mind most evenings.  some nights as with this night, perhaps it will just be a diatribe about yoga.  oh well, some of you will get it.

it was a long winter this year.  in a way i fell off my path during those long months.

but i feel it coming back and each time i wonder, why has it fallen away.  this is such a wonderful part of my life.

i love my practice, but i’m missing yoga classes.  there’s so much more i want to learn.  no time to fit it into my schedule right now.  so it sits with the tai chi classes and the mountain climbing classes that line up behind it on the wish list.  let’s not talk either about the whole catalog of knowledge that could come from the kripalu or omega catalogs that have made their way to the mailbox the last couple weeks.

in the meantime i’ll just keep moving.


Filed under mama

in conversation.

photo credit:

tonight was heavy in conversation.  the types of conversations that revolve around what life means to you and what it takes to have a meaningful life.  conversation on game changers and life alterers.  conversations that could go anywhere. conversations that take two people on opposite ends of everything and bring them closer.

they’re tough conversations, important but heavy with thought and consequences.

and through it all we keep smiling, and laughing, and loving each other.

and no one raises their voice or throws things.

we may just end up raising a family on a beach, wild unschooled children, cajoling the tourists for a living.

but i say fiji and he says belize.

so the discussions go on.


Filed under love

I Have A 10 Year Old.

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Filed under girls

it’s earth day, 2011.

go love yourself some earth.



Filed under seasons

one day….

i’m going to miss tucking in the stuffed animals that rolled out of bed in the night.

another of those everyday realizations.


Filed under this moment

a quiet moment, a wild week



it’s been awhile.

i don’t usually go this long without posting.

so long, my friend debbie emails me to say are you ok?

yes, debbie.  i am okay.

just tired.


hit the wall. 

it’s been three years. you would think by  now i would be getting used to this.

but now the girls are getting older.  it seems they are getting their own ideas and opinions that we need to hash out.  it seems they are getting involved in more and more things.  it seems my time continues to shrink and shrink.  it seems that ten o’clock on Sunday night, still trying to finish up the weekend work comes too quickly and too often these days.  it seems i notice even more the absence of another adult in this house to turn to at any given point.

i’m whining and giving in to self-pity.  it happens on occassion.

but it will be okay.

and i will refocus and come back to take my own advice, enjoy everyday moments.

like right now.  little one is sick, a virus that makes her tired, miserable, rashy, but still cute as a button.  curled up next to me here in bed, with mama, her warm slightly feverish hand pulling mine around her to sleep.  ems is crashed out at the end of my bed convinced it’s unfair that her sister gets to sleep with me and not her.  so here in the midst of all the chaos, the overwhelming scheduling  and rescheduling  lies my peace, my moment.  my two girls with me in bed, fresh flannel sheets and string lullabies playing on the cd player.  it’s a comfort to them and it’s because of this situation that feels not quite so right to me on so many occassions that we have this ability to be three girls curled up comforted in the bed together.  even the oldest of girls here, finally after an insane week, finds a moment of comfort and peace.

it’s wordless wednesday, but i’ve been wordless here for a bit too long.

it’s spring break so there are no lunches to pack, there is no homework to be done for the next four or five days.  thank you for such relief.  this weekend there is much to celebrate.  the arrival of spring, new beginnings, my oldest turning 10 years old and my friend debbie’s wedding.  thank you debbie for taking a moment in all your wedding pre-production to make sure i was okay, and have a beautiful, beautiful day.  relish every moment of your new beginning and then take some time to rest.  from me to you, i am so appreciative that you have found your one.

now it’s up and drag my rear out of bed to start it all over again…….


Filed under single parenthood