How DID I fall into this happy place? Was it the 8,000 baby steps I took? Is it the coming together of 10,000 small moments that made me smile? Is it the 4,000 horrible nights that I pushed myself through? I just turned around and here it is. There was no line. No marker I crossed. No directional arrow that said “HAPPINESS ➙”
I have been so content lately. And I cannot pinpoint it to one direct thing. It’s just that sometimes I just stop and smile and just say it out loud,
“I am so happy”.
These small moments. When I have connected with someone. Or I have done something, written something, edited something that I am really proud of. When the insects outside are doing a perfect trilling song. When the clouds crossing the full moon just radiate beauty. When my children about burst my heart with their kindness or their laughter. When my family make me laugh so. very. hard.
This contentment has to do with a lot of people. There are a lot of people to thank for it. Some of them are as close as next door or down the road. A few I found over the last couple years who were important from my past. Some are friends from as far away as the other side of the country or the other side of the world. Their voices, their written words bring me comfort, remind me I am never alone.
I will always be anxious. Always. I will always have those panicky, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW moments. Those OH MY GOD THERE IS NO WAY I CAN HANDLE THIS RIGHT NOW moments. I am always going to be fighting off certain amounts of self-doubt, of fear. Somedays I want to turn in my Parenting badge, resign and math homework can still bring me to tears, even at the 4th grade level.
But I will take it, this label. Someone can affix it to me. Like a warning label.
WARNING: She is very content, but prone to short bursts of anxiety.
Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we all just wore warning labels? I like this label. I like the way it looks on me.