Tag Archives: yoga

movement.

it’s 9:00 pm.  the house is dark and quiet.  i have turned off the lights and shut my door.  the girls are in bed.  if i strain i can hear Jim Dale’s voice coming from their room reading them another in the series of Harry Potter on CD.

it’s spring (it feels like summer) but it’s spring and i’m ready to get moving again.  the girls and i walked a mile tonight after dinner just before dusk, but it  left me wanting a little more.

so i closed the door, put my Peter Davidson channel on Pandora and stuck my legs up the wall.  i never know where my yoga practice is going to go in the evenings.  i know there are certain series of poses i can do.  i used to wake up everyday and do sun salutations and close the evening with a relaxation series.  for awhile i followed this weekly schedule diligently.  now, i find though i just want to listen to my body and this is the way i start.  maybe it’s because my first yoga teacher always started us off with legs on the wall.  after a long day of work, rushing to feed the kids and jumping in the car to class, this was the perfect way to start, and so i still do.

and then i just let my body tell me what it wants and i just enjoy the quiet time listening and moving.  i’ve enjoyed good bouts of cardio many, many times.  it helped me lose 25 pounds last year, but my favorite thing in the world is the slow movements of a good yoga practice that put you in tune with feeling the muscles of your body working.

right now i’m putting special focus on my shoulders.  i had my first massage two weeks ago and the therapist was appalled at my upper back and shoulders.  apparently i haven’t just been carrying my tension there, it’s moved in and tried to make a permanent home.  in all the chaos that is my life, i was prepared to beg her to just let me take a nap on the warm table with the dim lights and the twinkly music, but alas, she knew there was work to be done.

now this past week i’ve been watching my shoulders like a hawk and  i’ve found at ALL points through the day they rest somewhere right beside my ears. so i’ve been doing this little twitchy movement each day, all day, as i recognize my creeping shoulders and force shrug them back down.

so they’re getting  a little special attention right now.

the last part of my practice is always the same too, savasana, oh sweet savasana.  looks so easy.  so not.  but so worth it.  in class we started by tightening every bit of our body and slowly letting it go.  have you ever tried to relax your cheeks?  let your eyes sink into the back of your head?  but it works and anyone who is doing yoga practice, please enlighten me as to how many times you’ve actually fallen asleep in this pose.  maybe it’s the fact i do it at night in the dark and i’m always tired, but it’s a common occurrence.

i wrote this whole post in my head as i worked tonight, but somehow sitting here now on the floor with the screen in front of me the beauty of the words i had then have left me. i’ve resolved to post the thoughts that are in my mind most evenings.  some nights as with this night, perhaps it will just be a diatribe about yoga.  oh well, some of you will get it.

it was a long winter this year.  in a way i fell off my path during those long months.

but i feel it coming back and each time i wonder, why has it fallen away.  this is such a wonderful part of my life.

i love my practice, but i’m missing yoga classes.  there’s so much more i want to learn.  no time to fit it into my schedule right now.  so it sits with the tai chi classes and the mountain climbing classes that line up behind it on the wish list.  let’s not talk either about the whole catalog of knowledge that could come from the kripalu or omega catalogs that have made their way to the mailbox the last couple weeks.

in the meantime i’ll just keep moving.

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Wordless Wednesday: Currently Reading & Loving

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perfection.

{i have been playing a lot with words lately}

I had a bit of a meltdown last Thursday.  I had been sick and worn down.  Dotoomuchitis and bugbityouitis.  I have a problem, I want everything to be perfect.    I am a failed perfectionist.

I have tried to let go a little this past week and let myself just be.  Some days have been easier than others.  Tonight, I happened across an article in an old Yoga Journal entitled, “Making Peace With Perfection” and it was this line from the article that stood out to me:

“In Sanskrit, one of the words for perfection is purna, usually translated as fullness or wholeness”.

So now I am wondering, if I strive to define perfectionism as feeling full or whole, will that bring me closer to feeling peaceful with myself ?  If I don’t define perfection as everything being in it’s proper place, the undone sitting, whispering, failure, failure, failure to me every night will that bring me closer to feeling whole or well?

Perhaps.

Perhaps perfectionism is finding a balance between the work that needs to be done physically and the work that needs to be done mentally.  I do have enough sense to know that life should be about balance.

I don’t have enough sense to pay attention to my body before it gives me a swift kick in the ass.

In my ever ongoing  journey to balance my life I have come up with a new plan.  I am giving myself half a day Saturday and Sunday to do the need to’s.    The rest of the day is my time with no expectations to DO anything. No chores on weeknights, dinner, homework, a possible workout, and a chat with my honey is enough.

And I’ve made a pact to not go to bed later than 10:30 on a weeknight.  I’m getting better at it and mornings have been slightly more peaceful.

I’m still working on the perfectionism thing though.  And really I would like to throw the word out the window and away from my vocabulary.

Fullness and wholeness though.

That has a nice ring to it.

I think when I reach those rare moments when I feel that way I will just block my sight from everything else and sink in.  Because how often do we take the time in a blissful moment to stop and say, “this is perfection”.

Maybe that’s the answer.  Finding your bliss.

Or maybe I’ll just let go of the whole thing and just stop thinking.

That’s probably the best option of all.


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on yoga (again).

 

it’s been far too long since i’ve had a regular yoga practice.  last night there was no more pushing it off there was just simply, get down on the floor.  i didn’t even bother to go back upstairs and get my mat, i just started right there on the hardwood floor in the living room.  i was just out of a hot bath.  i had Peter Davidson playing on the computer and i had all the lights out except one dim one in the kitchen.

yoga for me is really a mind, body and spirit exercise.  there is no better way to get present with yourself.  i cannot do my yoga practice with the kids in the house.  there is too much distraction.  i need the dim and the quiet to get to this place.  i took yoga classes and i enjoyed them.  i liked the camraderie.  i liked having someplace to go once a week at 6:00 pm after work to throw my legs up on the wall, work my body, learn and then relax into what i can only call the true bliss of savasana.

but here at home, in daily practice, in the dark quiet moments everything else goes away.  it’s just me and my body and my breath.  the thoughts and the questions and the worries dissapate as my focus switches to my breath, and the way i feel my body stretching itself.  the reminder to stop and drop my shoulders, to push a little more or less.  the focus on remaining in pose and then sinking into the next.  there is a peace there.  in that present moment when the balance is a work in commitment, when you feel your arms or legs reaching into infinity, when you realize, hey, i’m alive, and then when you rest and relax, feeling soothed by yourself, by the energy inside you, by the world around you.   yoga practice puts me in a protective bubble where no one or no thing can touch me.

i know that this is not what yoga is to everyone.  i realize we all have different reasons and different expectations when going into it.  for some it is a spiritual practice, for others it is just exercise.  for me it is a bit of both.  i feel connected to myself and the world around me when i practice  and i am a better person for it.

i  sometimes wish everyone could experience this and i think how i would explain to them this feeling, but i cannot.  it’s not describable to me, though i keep trying.  one day i might get it down in words but for now i’m just going to keep sticking to my practice.

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Wordless Wednesday: Why? Everytime?

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